UNLESS YOU HAVE actually lived through it, you could never imagine how embarrassing it is to perspire profusely. But for those quiet souls who silently suffer with this substantial physical malady, it is a major issue.
Maybe you saw the movie, "Broadcast News," in which Albert Brooks was lost in a sea of sweat while anchoring the TV news.He was perspiring so much that technicians kept running onto the set during the commercial breaks to mop his brow and help him change his shirt and jacket.
I'll bet that doesn't happen to Dick Nourse - or he could never have lasted 30 years.
Well, I have a friend - who must remain nameless - who sweats like Albert Brooks. When he gives a speech, his shirt, buried as much as possible under his jacket, fills with perspiration.
When he offers his hand to someone, the other person usually makes a smart crack about how cold and disgusting it is.
As a boy he was cursed with the nickname "Clammy."
Unfortunately, there was nothing he could do about the cold, clammy hands - except run his hands under hot water for several minutes just before offering it to someone.
That was a waste of time, because by the time he walked from the rest room to the receiving line, they were cold and clammy again.
So how does anyone so continually immersed in a sea of sweat ever hope to succeed in life?
Just barely.
With pain and suffering - not only to himself, but to everyone he touches along the way.
My friend learned to recognize early those shirts that would show the least perspiration and to wear lots of sweaters (appropriately named) and jackets.
Doctors always notice this problem big time, although only one ever had a workable suggestion. He prescribed a dry-up drug, called Ditropan, that might make him a more pleasant person.
It worked for several years with no obvious side-effects except occasional dry-mouth. But a new doctor expressed reservations about the long-term effects of taking such a drug.
So my friend went back to using over-the-counter anti-persirants with limited success.
Then one day he was reading "Dear Abbey."
An attorney had written in, saying his life had been miserable because of excessive sweating - until he heard about a prescription anti-perspirant called Drysol.
After taking it for only a few days, he began to wear colored shirts again.
So my friend called his doctor and asked him about Drysol.
"Yeah," he said, "you could take that. No problem."
So he prescribed Drysol, a severe drying agent known as aluminum chloride. It is known to work but has the possible side effect of a rash.
Sure enough, on the second ap-plication, my friend got a rash. In fact, it felt more like a burn.
So he laid off for a week and tried it again. This time he got no rash but no real reduction in sweat either.
He didn't give up. He used it for two or three days at a time, working up to a successful conclusion. Now he has occasional itching, but no more burns and almost no perspiration.
My anonymous friend is a new man and seriously thinking of writing his own `Dear Abbey' letter. The really exciting thing is that aluminum chloride can be used to dry up the palms, too - meaning he may be able to start having other friends besides me.