Dear Abby: My husband told me yeasterday that last Thanksgiving was the best ever! He had a great time and thinks the whole extended family should get together more often than just at holiday time.
Of course he does! He played cards and football, went golfing, watched TV, read the paper and drank beer with the other men in the family.I, on the other hand, cooked, cleaned, planned, cooked some more, and did hundreds of dishes with the women in the family. Not one male offered to help with anything. None of the women said anything openly, but privately I think we've all had it.
I am tired of being the maid, and I'm dreading the family holiday gatherings this year. Are we the only women in the country who go through this? I'm sure we are not alone in feeling this way. (My husband thinks we are.)
- Maid No More
Dear Maid No More: I'm sure you have plenty of company. However, not all men have been raised to be sensitive to the fact they are needed or wanted in holiday preparation or its aftermath. Don't blame people of either sex for not helping out if they haven't been asked. An excellent method of galvanizing someone to action is to say, "Honey, I'm overwhelmed. Would you please come and help me with (blank), or would you rather (blank)?"
Dear Abby: May I comment on the letter from the woman who wrote to say that she and her husband had moved, voluntarily, about 60 times in their 24-year marriage? According to my calculations, that means they got a new apartment on the average of every five months.
As incredible as this must seem to someone born and bred in Iowa, where people sometimes stay on one farm for three or four generations, moving is more common among city-dwellers than one would imagine. Here are the advantages:
1. No housecleaning - after five months, when the rug need vacuuming and the toilet needs scrubbing, just move to a fresh, clean apartment.
2. Less time to accumulate junk, and nonessentials get discarded.
3. Bill collectors tire of tracking you down and give up.
4. Junk mail doesn't fill your mailbox; you're long gone before they get your new address.
5. You need never tell the truth about anything - by the time people have seen through your lies, you're outta there!
It takes a certain type of spouse to live this way. To be safe from marrying one of these charming "rolling stones" and being taken for a ride yourself, look carefully before you marry. Does he or she look like a person who can be packed and out the door in an hour? Well, then - use your head and ask why.
- Here to Stay in California
Dear Here to Stay: Your letter is a hoot - and you can include me among the "settled." However, in all fairness, those who said they loved to move did not indicate any ulterior motives. They just enjoyed the challenge, or the change of scenery.
Dear Readers: I've discovered a marvelous book for children suffering from chronic or life-threatening illness.
"The Jester Has Lost His Jingle" was written by David Saltzman - an extraordinary 22-year-old Yale graduate who died of Hodgkin's disease. David's family has published his full-color, hardcover, 64-page volume (with an afterword by Maurice Sendak), which conveys David's love for life and laughter.
For Dear Abby readers, 50 percent of the $20 price will go to Parents Against Cancer (a not-for-profit organization) so "The Jester" can be given to chronically ill children at no cost to them.
To order, send check or money order (no cash, please - U.S. funds only) payable to: The David Saltzman Fund/Parents Against Cancer, c/o The Jester Co. Inc. (Dept. A), P.O. Box 817, Palos Verdes, CA 90274. For more information, call 1-800-9-JESTER.
Good advice for everyone - teens to seniors - is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
1995 Universal Press Syndicate
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CROSSROADS
All of the Dear Abby columns since 1988 are available online. Search for DEAR ABBY in the Lifestyle section and the Deseret News archives.