For the past few days my mind has been mulling over the trivialities of the Waldholtz saga. I'm sure I'm not the only one to predict this is going to be a TV movie darned soon, predictably titled, "Where's Waldholtz?" So I've been trying to imagine who would portray the major characters.
My own first choice for the title role of Enid is Delta Burke, formerly of TV's "Designing Women," who, as luck would have it, has already portrayed a member of Congress on TV. She is very sure of herself, speaks her mind and resembles Enid.For the role of Joe, I nominate Newman from NBC's "Seinfeld." He is very energetic and aggressive in the show, a bit shrill, and bears a remarkable resemblance to Joe.
I'm pretty sure there would have to be at least a brief speaking part for Newt Gingrich, since Newt considered Enid a rising star. My nomination for the role is Phil Donohue. Except for lacking a bit around the jowls, he is a dead ringer for Gingrich, even if his real-life politics are a poor match.
On the other hand, his talk show seems to be dying on the vine lately, so it might be the right time for him to get into acting. You know, midlife crisis and all.
I believe Karen Shepherd would have a pretty big speaking role in this story, since she was the one defeated in the 1994 election. I would select Meryl Streep, who looks a lot like Shepherd and would add a lot of pizzaz to the role.
John Goodman would be perfect for Merrill Cook, who lost his own independent bid in 1994. Goodman is accustomed to playing comedy roles, but that's OK, because this story certainly needs a light touch.
It seems to me the governor should be in this movie, at least briefly, since he is the one who performed the marriage for Enid and Joe. But I can't think of any well-known actor who has any obvious resemblance to him, so I suggest Mike Leavitt just play Mike Leavitt in a short cameo role.
I doubt the governor has any designs on an acting career, but it ought to break up his day nicely and make him less likely to perform marriages in the future.
Harvey Waldholtz should be played by Charles Durning with glasses. Durning is a longtime TV and movie sidekick to Burt Reynolds, and plays the father in Jodie Foster's new film, "Home for the Holidays."
Ted Wilson, former Salt Lake mayor and now director of the University of Utah's Hinckley Institute of Politics, was the first Democrat to announce that he was interested in running for Enid's seat - and then backed out when he sensed that she might be picking up some voter sympathy.
My choice for Ted is Martin Sheen, an experienced and versatile actor who coincidentally plays a presidential aide in "The American President."
Bob Bennett, Utah's junior Republican U.S. senator, has been the politician most often interviewed about Enid's problems, so I think there has to be a part for him. If Richard Deacon, who played Mel Cooley - the tall, bald, bespectacled foil for Dick Van Dyke and Morey Amersterdam in the old "Dick Van Dyke Show" - were still around, I would choose him.
There are a few other minor roles the filmmakers will have to fill, but if they made offers to these major players, I'm sure it would be possible to put together a smashing TV movie.
I hope they'll be receptive to my carefully considered suggestions. As long as the producers are flexible enough to allow three or four possible endings, things should work out just fine.
There's only one trouble with this concept - it sounds a lot more like fiction than a real-life story.