An African proverb says it takes a whole village to raise a child.
Many Americans have adopted it as a slogan for children's programs. Hillary Rodham Clinton uses it as a book title. It is so commonly quoted that it has become easy to overlook what it means.I think it means, in part, that no matter how good or diligent or caring a family is, it can't do, provide or be everything a child needs to grow up strong, healthy and decent.
How does a community raise a child?
Parents need help in different forms. They need good schools, caring neighbors, reliable day care when they can't be around. Those are simple, expected things.
Families in crisis may need more. They may need a safety net, woven by the community. Medicaid, welfare, job search assistance, food stamps are all ways in which the community has chosen to raise a child when hard times come. They are not meant to replace provision by parents, but to give temporary help.
Confusion exists about a community's role in nurturing youths.
Clearly, not everyone should be able to provide correction. It would be stupid to let a child ask just any neighbor for permission to go to a friend's house after school.
But there are aspects of raising a child that fall nicely into whole-community purview, especially since so many children are not even being raised by parents; they're raising themselves and each other with limited success.
Raising a child includes setting standards of acceptable behavior. Communities set standards in a broader context. They use laws to say theft, drug use, indecent exposure, child abuse and more are wrong. Some set curfews.
Communities also raise children in less tangible ways - and sometimes they botch it.
Raising a child means more than putting food in his or her mouth. It means imparting values. It's a process of feeding not just body, but soul. And communities are too mixed up to do a good job.
I never paid much attention to it until I started researching a series that ran last week on mixed messages we give children concerning drug abuse, sex and violence.
Fred Garcia, the man in charge of drug-demand reduction in America, spoke at a substance abuse conference on toys that impart a pro-drug, pro-alcohol or pro-tobacco message.
I laughed when the Utah Legislature banned candy cigarettes. Now I'm rethinking it. I'm beginning to realize we sell messages along with products.
What little girl doesn't know early in life that to be slender, busty and blonde is to be beautiful? And if you're not at least one of the above, you can't be beautiful.
What little boy doesn't know you have to be tough - even violent - to be a real man?
If you examine the movies, television shows and video games most popular with children 10 and up, you begin to see a recurring theme of sex and violence. Most children don't need the traditional birds and bees talk; they could explain a few things to the adults in their lives.
If we subscribe to the theory that it takes a community to raise a child, we must as a community decide how we want our children to turn out. If we want them to be workers, we have to demonstrate a strong work ethic.
If we want them to be kind and generous, we have to be compassionate and giving.
And if we want them to stay away from drugs, alcohol, sex and violence, we need to stop glamorizing them. We need to quit idolizing people who break societal rules, like the "movie stars" who get charged with assault or drug possession on a regular basis.
We need to teach that excessive alcohol use kills livers and lives; drug use kills brain cells and futures; smoking kills lungs. And while yellow is a nice color for hair, it looks lousy on teeth and skin.
We need to tell the truth.
That's how a community can raise a child.