Dear Abby: I am a serviceman stationed in Georgia. Three years ago, my wife of 13 years and I were having marital problems. Without letting me know, she moved out of the house and went back to California, taking our 3-year-old son ("Jordan") with her.
We recently divorced, and I was granted Christmas and summer visitation with Jordan, who is now 6 years old.Last summer, while Jordan was visiting me, I remarried and included him in the wedding as the ring-bearer. My "ex" said if she had known I had this in mind, she never would have allowed Jordan to come. (Actually, that's why I never told her.)
Abby, should I have told her and risked not getting my son for the summer? And do you see anything wrong with children being in their divorced parents' wedding?
- Ex-Wife Blues
Dear E.W. Blues: I see nothing wrong with children being in the wedding of their divorced parent. But I can understand your "ex" being ticked off when she learned you had made an "end run" in order to have Jordan serve as ring-bearer.
Although your wife told you that she would not have allowed Jordan to visit had she known your plans, when the court gave you visitation rights for Christmas and summer vacation, that canceled her right to decide when he could or could not visit you, so there was no need for subterfuge. Next time, be honest with her, and if you must, remind her that you have legal rights to have Jordan visit you.
Dear Abby: Help! I'm getting married next summer and have a problem I don't know how to deal with.
My father, who will be giving me away and also hosting the reception, has a terrible-looking mouth. He is missing several teeth in front. They have rotted away, leaving only stubby brown roots.
He has a beard and mustache and thinks these "hide" the missing teeth. They don't. Every time he talks, laughs or eats, it's disgusting to watch.
Abby, I love my father, but I want my wedding to be perfect. I dread the thought of our wedding pictures. Also, the people I work with will be meeting my dad for the first time.
We have tried talking to him about this, but he cuts us off. When Mom mentions it, she winds up in an argument.
Any suggestions will be greatly appreciated.
- Bride-To-Be
Dear Bride-To-Be: Perhaps your father still harbors the memories of pain and horror he experienced in a dentist's chair when he was a boy. However, dentistry has come a long way in recent years, and there is little to fear - but your father would need an expert to convince him. Some dentists specialize in phobic patients. Your father is fortunate that his poor dental health hasn't resulted in poor general health.
If he continues to refuse to have his mouth looked into, there is little you can do about it. Console yourself with the thought that those who are truly important to us judge us on who we are and not the condition of our parents' teeth. Since your father is paying for the reception, try not to look a gift horse in the mouth.
Worth Quoting: "Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones; and when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, go to sleep in peace. God is awake."
- Victor Hugo
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
1995 Universal Press Syndicate
*****
CROSSROADS
All of the Dear Abby columns since 1988 are available online. Search for "DEAR ABBY" in the Lifestyle section and the Deseret News archives.