SOME PEOPLE DIDN'T think the University of Utah basketball team would amount to much this year. The Utes were too, you know, kinda, you know, young. But you know kids; they want instant gratification. They want, like, everything N-O-W.
There is no tomorrow, you know what I'm sayin', man. Tomorrow you could wake up and be . . . ugh, 30. Or worse. You could be wearing Dockers. Or driving a Buick. So you gotta do what you're gonna do NOW, dude.Take the University of Utah's Runnin' Teeny Boppers, for instance. They already have clinched at least a tie for the Western Athletic Conference championship. They can win the title outright tonight with a win over their middle-aged rivals from BYU.
Cool.
Which is, you know, a precocious start for the U.'s Brat Pack. It must, like, worry the rest of the WAC that the Utes' best days are probably ahead of them. After all, if they're this good now, wait till they grow up. Wait till they start shaving! The Utes are, like, a total teen hangout these days. Six of their top nine players are teenagers - 19-year-olds Ben Melmeth, Jimmy Carroll, Drew Hansen and Keith Van Horn, 18-year-old Alex Jensen and 17-year-old Mike Doleac. Normally, you have to go to the Vortex on a Friday night to see this many teenagers in one place. Not that you'd want to.
Whoa, some of these guys don't have facial hair. They go through more Stridex pads than Bics. They barely qualify for admittance to R-rated movies and voting. Seven months ago they were in high school, man. Check it out. They call teammate Mark Rydalch "the old man." He's 23.
The average age of the Utes' top nine players is 19.
Rick Majerus has sweaters that are that old.
It's a whole new generation. Assistant coach Tommy Connors, virtually over the hill at 28, says that when the slang starts flying in practice, he doesn't even know what the Utes are saying. "And I consider myself with the times," he marvels.
The youngest of the young is Mike Doleac - nickname: S.S. Dolie. He sports only a few blond whiskers. He won't turn 18 until June. He'd be young even if he were a high school senior. But he looks like a man, 6-foot-11, 240 pounds. He can turn the lane into a moshing pit, man.
Doleac is so young that while his teammates were able to sign their own insurance forms and other official paperwork last fall, he had to send his home to get his parents' signatures.
Doleac does, however, shave - "once every three months." That's whether he needs it or not.
The Brat Pack of course is led by Coach Rick Majerus, who is an ancient 46 years old. Some of his players believe Majerus was present during the signing of the Constitution. Given his players' youth, Majerus thought they were "a year away" from becoming a contender, but here they are, 23-5 overall, 14-3 in WAC play and ranked among the nation's Top 25.
So far, the Runnin' Teeny Boppers have got to be wondering what's so hard about college basketball. Or college. Eight of Utah's 13 scholarship players made the honor roll last quarter, with Hansen checking in at 4.0.
The Utes might still think they're in high school. They are not overly impressed with themselves so far. "We don't know anything else," shrugs Jensen.
No kidding. For these guys, winning is a habit, like brushing your teeth before bed. Jensen played in only five losing games in three years of high school play. Doleac led his team to a state championship in his one season as a starter. Hansen's team was No. 1 most of last season and finished with a 20-4 record. Last summer this threesome, plus teammate Greg Barratt (another Ute freshman who is redshirting) won an AAU tournament in Phoenix.
"We hate to lose," says Doleac.
But how does he, like, know? The Utes' perspective is definitely skewed. They think 20-win seasons and championships are just part of the "college experience."
"We know how to win," says Hansen.
Right on.
The only team that has been able to keep pace with the U.'s Brat Packers are the Cougars, who are one game behind them in the WAC standings heading into tonight's regular-season finale in the Huntsman Center. The game will match something old and something new. Six of BYU's top nine players are 23 or 24 years old.
It's not true that the Cougars are on social security, as rumors have it, but some of them are getting senior citizen discounts.
For their part, Utah's Teen Angels would like to retire the defending champion Cougars and claim their own championship. They think that would be, like, so cool.