Make way for Motorboat vs. Speedboat in the majors, maybe.
The baseball strike talks broke off Sunday without any plans to resume, making it even more likely that fans will see replacement players when the regular season starts in four weeks."Without a miracle, major league players will not be on the field opening day," Colorado Rockies chairman Jerry McMorris said.
"The game's going to go on," said McMorris, now the owners' chief negotiator. "The only question is, which players are going to be on the field."
At this rate, it might be something like the matchup about 750 fans saw in Plant City, Fla., during an exhibition game between Toronto and Cincinnati. There, Eugene "Motorboat" Jones drew a walk from his brother, Dennis "Speedboat" Jones.
The Jones brothers both spent several years in the minors, both were out of pro ball last year and neither is too quick now. No matter how they run or throw, however, hustle is no problem for many of these possible replacements.
Matt Bragga showed he was willing to run through walls to make the Reds. He left his mark - literally - when he tried to catch a home-run ball and smacked face first into the wooden left-field fence, leaving it indented with head imprints.
Bragga reported to the Reds a few hours before the game began. He arrived in the clubhouse announced, prompting coach Ray Knight to ask him, "Hey, kid, what position do you play?"
In Bradenton, Fla., a crowd of nearly 1,500 cheered when Ted Williams, a 30-year-old replacement for the Pirates, hit a double against Philadelphia. Later, he said he tried to call Hall of Famer Ted Williams for some advice, "but I only got his answering machine."
In West Palm Beach, Fla., a mixup stopped some Atlanta Braves from getting a few tips. The players arrived early for practice, but spent an hour standing around in the minor league clubhouse, not realizing the coaches were waiting for them in the separate major league locker room.
The Texas Rangers, meanwhile, were held around for an hour by manager Johnny Oates to take extra batting practice after getting three hits in a 2-0 loss to the Chicago White Sox.
A few hitters with familiar names, though, had good days.
Barbaro Garbey, in his first start for Cincinnati since being acquired in a five-for-none swap with Cleveland, hit a long home run to left field. Garbey, 38, who played five years in the majors and left pro ball after 1990, once was called "the next Clemente" by Sparky Anderson even before he'd played a big league game.
Nelson Simmons, another former Detroit prospect with Garbey, hit a two-run single for Pittsburgh. Brad Komminsk singled home the game-winning run in the bottom of the ninth for Minnesota, promising minor leaguer Mike Busch homered for Los Angeles and Rich Aldrete, whose major league brother, Mike, is on strike, homered and drove in five runs for Milwaukee.
The Colorado Rockies played another clean game, winning again and going to 3-0 with a 3-1 victory over San Francisco before 3,546 fans in Tucson, Ariz., but their thoughts were with coach Don Zimmer.
Zimmer was in the intensive-care unit of a local hospital after sustaining a temporary loss of blood flow to the brain.
"You can't help but think about him," Rockies manager Don Baylor said. "But everybody knows he's being taken care of, and my concern for him (Sunday) is less than it was (Saturday). The reports from the hospital have been favorable."
Baylor saw Zimmer in the hospital Sunday night. Zimmer, 64, has been advised to change his diet and quit chewing tobacco.
"He's chewed tobacco for 40 years, but he's going to have to stop that," Baylor said.