Dear Abby: Jeff is 31 and I am 30. When we met 15 years ago, he smoked less than a pack a day. I was never a smoker. We were very much in love and married young. I put up with his smoking because he promised me that after our first baby was born, he would quit smoking.
Well, our "baby" is almost 10 years old, and Jeff smokes two and a half to three packs a day. When I remind him of his promise he says, "You knew I was a smoker when you married me." (Never mind that he knew I suffered from asthma.) For the past five years, I've had bronchitis every winter. Last year it went into pneumonia, and when I wheezed at night, he complained about the noise.Our 6-year-old has allergy problems, and our 4-year-old wakes up coughing. There are burn marks on every piece of furniture in the house. The towels in our bathroom reek of smoke, and there are smoke stains on our bathroom ceiling because Jeff can't go in there without smoking.
When he smokes outdoors, he tosses the butts on the lawn, even though there's a large can filled with sand for his cigarette butts. I once offered our kids a nickel for every butt they picked up. (It cost me a small fortune.)
Two years ago, Jeff came down with bronchitis, and I was awakened every night by his trying to cough up enough phlegm so he could breathe.
I offered to make an appointment with our doctor for Jeff to get the nicotine patch, but he said he enjoys smoking and has no desire to quit.
Abby, I don't know how much longer I can put up with this. I really love the guy, but if I could live my life over, you can bet your behind I would never marry a smoker.
- Laurie in Phoenix
Dear Laurie: Smoking is addictive. Life would be less complicated if smokers married smokers, and non-smokers married abstainers.
Dear Abby: May I comment about nurses who discuss the patient's condition in the patient's room, as though the patient were not there?
A few years ago, my 60-year-old husband lay in a coma for a week. My family and I made only upbeat and positive comments in his room, because no one knows how much a comatose person understands - or when he could awaken.
A nurse interrupted the brief time I was given to be with my husband in the intensive care unit. She said, "The doctor suggested that I ask you to consider donating your husband's eyes and kidneys to the hospital's organ bank."
Abby, this was spoken in my husband's room as though he were not there.
I was very upset, and returned to the waiting room to join my children. Within 15 minutes, a nurse came to inform us that my husband had died.
I have always felt that my husband was in limbo, and when he heard the nurse's remark about donating his eyes and kidneys, he chose to go to a better world.
- A Widow in Columbus, Ohio
Dear Widow: Please accept my sincere condolences on the loss of your beloved husband. Most nurses are compassionate and sensitive to the feelings of their patients and their families. The nurse who thoughtlessly made that comment was a rare exception. If you didn't report her to her supervisor and your husband's doctor, you should have.