CAN YOU THINK of a more challenging meal than breakfast?
When I was growing up and had to get up and go to school every morning, my stomach was always churning so much with nervous energy that I didn't want to eat breakfast. Mom insisted, of course, so I sat down and bolted something down before running out the door.Actually, the best thing I could ever have in the mornings was a teaspoon of maple syrup. It was Mom's own clever invention, something she called "worry medicine," and it worked miraculously. After a touch of syrup, I quickly calmed down, ready to face the world.
When I reached college age, I still hated to eat breakfast - not because I was nervous any more - but because I just preferred sacrificing food for a few more minutes of sleep.
I used to get ravenous about 11 o'clock in the morning.
During my adult years I've made it a point to have breakfast most of the time, but there are usually enough things on my mind to keep me from enjoying it very much. Usually, my breakfast is meager.
In fact, if all my meals were the same size as breakfast, I would probably become incredibly sleek and slim. Still, there are some breakfast foods that can be very tempting - if there is time to eat them.
During a holiday, there's no meal I like better than breakfast. Homemade cinnamon rolls eaten in a leisurely style after opening gifts on Christmas morning, for instance. With homemade eggnog to chase them.
Not thick, yellow store-bought eggnog from a store, mind you.
Bacon and eggs may not be healthful, but they taste wonderful - if I have slept in and don't have to cram them down my throat in five minutes.
And how about making up a batch of pancakes in various interesting shapes on a Saturday morning? Or waffles - not the dead, frozen kind from the grocery store, but real waffles, crisp and fresh from the waffle iron.
Which means I'm being too hard on breakfast. The really difficult meal is lunch. For some reason, lunch never looks good to me, even if I have time to eat it.
Sandwiches are drab and ordinary, especially if they come out of a brown paper bag and I made them myself. Soup is good sometimes, but hardly ever do I find a tasty kind that is not so hot it doesn't burn the roof of my mouth.
I can sometimes be tempted by spicy foods for lunch that I'm immediately sorry I ate. And I never like a really big lunch, no matter what it is.
If I am eating lunch at home, Marti gives me three or four choices, and I'm always baffled - until I see her eating one of them.
Then it finally tempts me - a little.
Since lunch is such a boring meal, I have tried several times to cut it out entirely. Why eat something you don't enjoy or something you'll be sorry for later? Only thing is - if I skip lunch, I get a headache.
So I have to eat it.
By the time I get to the evening meal, I'm determined to enjoy it, so I usually eat too much. It seems I haven't had a decent meal all day - so I have to go for it. Then I'm sorry again, because I have eaten the greatest quantity of food at a time when it is most likely to stick to my hips.
I'm most pleased with myself, and weigh the least, if I eat moderate portions at every meal. The amazing thing about eating, as enjoyable as it can be at times, is that enjoyment is so fleeting. Once I push myself away from the table, I have nothing but extra pounds to show for it.
No matter how good it was, it's over.
Maybe the answer is a safe, nutritious injection - anywhere but the hips.
Dennis Lythgoe's column is published on Tuesdays and Thursdays.