Dear Readers: Yesterday, at the request of a reader who had lost the original column, I repeated my tips on how to get along with your daughter-in-law. Today, in the interest of evenhandedness, here are my tips on how to get along with your mother-in-law - which were also printed at that time:
1. Invite your in-laws over once in a while. (Once a year is better than never.)2. When you are invited to your in-laws' home for dinner, offer to bring something, and also offer to help with the serving and cleaning up afterward. Don't act like a guest - you're family.
3. Phone your mother-in-law to ask, "How are you feeling?" and make a little small talk. This shows that you are interested in her, which will help build a closer relationship.
4. If she has given you a gift, such as a sweater or a purse, be sure that she sees you wearing or carrying it at least once.
5. If your mother-in-law has given your children clothing, make sure they wear the clothes in her presence while they are still new and in good condition.
6. If perchance she has hurt your feelings, don't let it fester and do not complain to your husband. Say, "Mom, you hurt me," then tell her why, so you can put the matter to rest.
7. Don't compete with her daughter if she has one. Accept the fact that she's apt to favor her own. (You will, too, if you have one someday.)
8. Never repeat family gossip. And try not to listen to any.
9. Make it a point to ask her for something - a recipe, for example. And after you have used it with good results, thank her for it. (Knowing she has been helpful will make her feel wonderful.
10. Love her son, and take good care of him.
Dear Abby: I hope you won't think this is too stupid a problem, but I really do need an answer. People have come up to me and said, "You look so sad . . . as though the weight of the world were on your shoulders. Why don't you smile?"
Abby, I can't help it. I am not sad, but I have a rather long, bony face and thin lips that tend to turn down in the corners. And when I am deep in thought, I have a tendency to frown.
I try to be pleasant, but I'm not exactly the life of the party. Is there a solution to this problem?
- Not Smiling, But Content
Dear Not Smiling: For what it's worth, a phony smile is worse than a natural frown. Be yourself, and make no apologies for it.
If people have the gall to suggest that you smile, ask them to say something funny.
Dear Abby: A note to "Livid in Salem, Mass.," the receptionist in a physician's office who complained about children's messages on patients' answering machines:
I agree. Long messages on answering machines are both time-consuming and irritating, but how about when a patient calls a physician's office only to be put on hold for five to 10 minutes listening to elevator music? That's what I call suffering! As long as it's not an emergency, I'd rather be asked for my name and phone number and get a return phone call than be put on hold that long.
"Livid," if that's all you have to gripe about with all the suffering you see while working in a physician's office, I'd say you have a pretty good life.
- Happy and Living in Florida