The TV movie "Lady Killer" is supposed to be many things - none of which it actually is.

It's a thriller that isn't thrilling. It's a mystery that isn't mysterious. It's supposedly suspenseful, but there isn't a lick of suspense.From beginning to end, there isn't one thing that's even slightly surprising about this teleflick, which airs at 8 p.m. on Ch. 5. And that's bad for a movie that's attempting to live off plot twists and turns.

About the only thing you can say about "Lady Killer" is that it's consistent. Consistently bad from start to finish.

Oh, and it's good for a few laughs - all of which are unintentional.

Judith Light ("Who's the Boss?") stars as a neglected, middle-age wife who suddenly does what she would have thought unthinkable - she has an affair with a charming plastic surgeon (Jack Wagner). In the first act of the movie, the two meet and soon end up in a torrid tryst - complete with some steamy scenes and tacky dialogue.

But then her businessman husband (Ben Masters) returns home and rekindles the flames of their marriage (they actually talk like that in this movie) and Light has no use for her Lothario anymore.

He, naturally, is the male equivalent of Glenn Close's character in "Fatal Attraction" - a dangerously deranged, if attractive, fellow. Wagner stalks and rapes Light in yet another bizarre scene.

Now, the straying wife doesn't want her hubby to find out about the affair, so she lies about the rape and protects the rapist. He's not done trying to get back at her, however, so he begins an affair with her daughter (Tracy Gold).

This isn't telling tales out of school, however. CBS's advertisements make this much of the story clear. But any idiot can figure out what's going to happen when:

- We first see that towering lighthouse adjacent to Light's rural retreat.

- The daughter arrives with a new boyfriend - which the movie plays like a surprise.

- The "other man" goes out rabbit hunting with the husband.

The only thing worse than the performances is the dialogue, which sounds like recycled dime-story romances. The two main characters are not only unbelievable but without redeeming qualities.

And the story itself is ludicrous. Wagner played more believable roles on the daytime soap "General Hospital," where he was a singer-turned-spy, and the utterly unrealistic prime-time soap "Melrose Place," where he was a doctor-turned-evil businessman.

Light, another daytime soap veteran ("One Life to Live"), sometimes looks almost embarrassed to be in "Lady Killer." As well she should be.

This is one of those TV projects that does contain at least one mystery - why didn't someone put a stop to it long before any actors stepped in front of the cameras?

MORE EARLY MORNING NEWS: Hot on the heels of KUTV-Ch. 2's announcement that it will expand its early morning newscast to 90 minutes comes KTVX-Ch. 4's announcement that it will expand its early morning newscast to 90 minutes.

Both will soon be seen from 5:30-7 a.m.

Ch. 2, however, isn't planning to make the change until Monday, April 17. The folks at Ch. 4 will be undergoing their expansion a week earlier, this coming Monday.

Apparently, the two stations will be battling it out for that big TV audience out there that's watching between 5:30 and 6 a.m.

NEW VENUE FOR "MY SO-CALLED LIFE": Reruns of the fabulous series "My So-Called Life" have been scheduled - but not on ABC.

And not even on broadcast television.

From April 10 though May 7, the 19 episodes can be seen on MTV.

There's good news and bad news, possible hope and possible despair in this announcement.

Although the series will be seen on the east and west coasts Monday through Friday at 7 p.m. (not a bad time slot) here in Utah it will be seen at 5 p.m. (a terrible time slot).

And there are two interpretations of ABC's decision to let MTV cablecast the show. The first is that the network won't renew "Life," and is trying to make some money off it while it can. (The show produced by The Bedford Falls Company in association with ABC Productions.)

The more hopeful interpretation is that ABC is doing everything it possibly can to bring new viewers to this high-quality program, and that the network will return the show to its schedule in the fall.

ABC Entertainment President Ted Harbert - a big booster of the show - apparently hopes its the latter. "ABC fully supports the agreement between the show's producers and MTV, and we continue to view `My So-Called Life' as a contender for renewal next season," he said.

We won't know for sure until May when the network announces its fall schedule.

ABC SCHEDULE SHIFT: ABC, still struggling to figure out what to do on Mondays, Thursdays and Saturdays, is making a couple of temporary changes.

The last two episodes of "The Marshal" (which currently airs Saturdays at 9 p.m.), will be seen on Mondays at 7 p.m. on April 17 and 24.

The last two episodes of "The Commish" (which currently airs Thursdays at 8 p.m.), will be seen Saturdays at 9 p.m. on April 29 and May 6. That's the show's original time slot.

ABC hasn't decided when it will air reruns of either series after May. And while both are candidates to return in the fall, according to the network, neither are strong candidates.

ABC has also scheduled a two-hour "Matlock" on Thursday, April 27 at 7 p.m. - but doesn't know what it's going to do on Thursday nights after that just yet.

NOW FOX IS LYING: You may have seen those Fox promos touting a "Sunday of original programming" this weekend.

Let's see. Just how original will this night of programming be.

Yes, there will be new episodes of "The Simpsons" (7 p.m.), "House of Buggin' " (7:30 p.m.) and "Married . . . With Children" (8 p.m.). But "Dream On" (8:30 p.m.) - while making its broadcast debut - aired on HBO several years ago.

And Fox is also airing an episode of "Sliders" (6 p.m.) that was first seen last week.

Let's see . . . that works out to half a night of original programming, doesn't it?

SAY IT AIN'T SO: Speaking of "Married . . . With Children," Fox has announced it has renewed the show for next season - which will be the sitcom's 10th on the air.

Which proves that a show can last for at least eight seasons after it has run out of originality and creativity.

All of you who enjoy vulgarity, tastelessness and mean-spirited displays in your TV sitcoms can rest easy for one more year.