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Dear Abby: Years ago, when married people were invited to weddings, the invitations were addressed to "Mr. and Mrs."

Have times changed? Recently, my physician husband received two wedding invitations addressed to him only. One was from a nurse, the other from a patient. He said both knew he is married.He attended both weddings by himself because he is dedicated to his profession; but I feel my not being invited, and his accepting without me, was rude.

Can you update me on the present customs?

- Invisible Partner

Dear Partner: Forget customs, etiquette and all the rest. Kindness and common sense outrank propriety and tradition any day in my book.

The invitations should have included you. But since they did not, your husband should have either requested permission to bring you - or stayed home himself.

Dear Abby: Please settle an argument. Where I work, there is this woman who has silver-gray hair but a young face and a good figure. She must be about 50 but looks younger. She has 12 grandchildren, and she swims with them, rides a bicycle with them and belongs to three bowling teams.

She says she never baby-sits with her grandchildren unless there is an emergency. Everyone says I am all wet with my ideas, but I think a grandmother should act like a grandmother and should be more proud of her grandchildren than her bowling score.

- A Mother

Dear Mother: This grandmother is acting like a grandmother. A modern one. Nowadays you can't tell a grandmother by looking at her, and I say more power to her!

Dear Abby: Before I met "Bob," I corresponded with several men who wanted to communicate with women by mail. (I had signed up with a "lonely hearts" club.) Well, after marrying Bob, I quit writing to these men, but every now and then I get a letter from a strange man who wants to correspond with me.

Abby, this club I signed with is no longer in business, but it must have sold its membership list to another such club because I'm still getting letters from men.

Bob says I should tear up these letters without even opening them. I say that because the letters are addressed to me, I have the legal right to read them and then tear them up if I want to.

My husband gets very upset by these letters. He says that a happily married woman who really loves her husband (and I do) should have no interest whatsoever in reading a letter from a strange man, and I should destroy such mail without even reading it. What is your opinion?

- Bob's Wife

Dear Wife: Loving your husband as you do, why upset him by showing even the slightest interest in mail from men who are seeking to form a relationship with an unattached woman? When the next letter arrives, ceremoniously set fire to it (unopened) in Bob's presence. It will warm his heart.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)