Dear Pat: You can call me "the exception." I am not having sex . . . yet. I have been in this relationship for almost four years. We have a very special relationship. Before now we have barely even kissed. But recently I've felt I'm ready for the next step. I'm 16 and think I've done pretty well to have waited this long. Don't get me wrong. I'm trying to justify my decision.
I am a level-minded, rational young lady. I don't take sex lightly. That's why I've waited for the right person and until I got older. I really do think I'm ready. I've been thinking it over for years. I'm not naive. I know nine out of 10 we will never marry and the chance of us staying together for two more years until we get out of high school is only 50-50. But at least my first time will be with someone I love and (who) respects me and at the LEAST cares for me.I really wrote to say not all young people are brainless, sex-craved or just stupid. Some of us just choose to have sex. However, I think anyone under the age of 14 just should wait a little longer. Your mind needs to mature to have sex and teens should NEVER have sex to keep a man or because all their friends have done it.
I'm proud to say (none of) my friends or my boyfriend has pressured me to have sex. In fact, most of my friends have not had sex yet. They want to wait for a serious relationship like I have.
To conclude, there is a problem out there, but we're not all a part of it.
- From Michigan
Dear Michigan: When a decision is important enough for you to think it over for years, you want to make sure you haven't overlooked anything significant.
You don't mention your boyfriend's role in this process. Have you thought about his possible reactions? Do you know how he feels about the whole idea of having sex? From what you say, he seems OK with taking things slowly. Will he think you're pressuring him because you want to go from barely kissing to having sex?
Also - are you saying that after all the waiting and thinking you've done, you're ready to settle for "at least"?
Talkback: From Greg in Dallas: This letter is my attempt to contribute to the discussion and voice an opinion that may leave others with a broader selection of choices for their lives.
I am a young, active adult who has chosen to abstain from sex until capable of financially supporting a family. This is not the only reason for my virginity. By taking the time to think about my actions, I have concluded that it will be much better for me (and my wife and children) not to have a multitude of ex-lovers to hide. No fears of failed encounters resurfacing. No old wounds that need to be healed before I can respond in trust.
If people would stop in their compulsion and think, they may realize that for a large percentage of the population sex is causing a lot more problems than it's solving. Having sex does not make one an adult. In fact, it keeps many from exploring the development of other important facets of identity. It is truly sad that our society compels so many to act so prematurely. Why not wait until we fully understand ourselves before we go around trying to share it with others?
Talkback: More on drinking and driving, from `Dubuque, Iowa': I just finished reading your column. I'm 18 years old and an alcoholic who doesn't think twice about getting behind the wheel of a car when I'm drunk. I let alcohol take over my life. I lost my best friend "Melissa" because of my actions while drunk, and my grades have gone down rapidly. My life has changed all around. I have nearly killed myself at least a dozen times because of drinking and driving. Melissa was the one who made me realize that I am an alcoholic. I just wish I had her by my side to go to AA classes with me.
Remember, friends should never let a friend drink and drive 'cause it might be the last time you see them alive.