It's amazing what you miss when you are on vacation or traveling out of the country. Until recently, I hadn't even heard about the controversy over the new Calvin Klein ads.

Now that I'm back in Washington, I'm finally tuned in. Friends have sent me clippings and news stories. I've seen the ads myself, which show young people in sexually suggestive poses, their underwear in view beneath their shorts and skirts.From what I can tell, most of the controversy centers on definitions of pornography, First Amendment rights and the boundaries of artistic expression.

All of those things are important. But I think we're missing a larger point.

Not every question of morality and taste is a question of the Constitution or the law.

The Calvin Klein ads are disturbing because they feed on the innocence and vulnerability of children. And the cynical message delivered to young people is that their value as human beings depends on looking sexy and acting cool.

It's hard enough for kids these days to grow up feeling confident and secure about who they are. What we should be doing as a society is helping young people focus on schoolwork and other positive activities that build self-discipline and character - not adding to the confusion and anxiety that are part of growing up.

If you care about your family's values, as I do, you have to be concerned about values in the marketplace. You have to be concerned about the messages conveyed through the things we buy and sell.

Let's face it: Business decisions affect how people think and behave. In his recent book, "Selling Out America's Children," David Walsh points out that careful calculation - and billions of dollars - go into advertising campaigns in order to shape opinions and change tastes.

Advertising, he says, is really "adver-teasing."

And "adver-teasing" is usually driven by a yearning for profits more than any concern for decency, civility, taste or morality.

That is why raising our voices about how a company sells blue jeans can be just as important as the values we teach in our own homes.

The Calvin Klein ads are merely the latest proof that some businesses are willing to push the envelope of gratuitous sex and exploi-ta-tion of children as far as possible if it's good for the bottom line.

But they are not the only ads we need to worry about. The pervasive influence of exploitative advertising touches every aspect of our lives.

We all know what it is like to drive along the highway and see a pile-up of cars. You slow down. You can't resist looking, even though you know that your own rubbernecking could cause another accident.

Today, it's as if our society is a highway full of car wrecks. Only worse. Nobody purposely causes an accident to attract the public's attention. But in the case of commercial marketing, we are purposely teased and titillated with sex and violence, simply because they sell.

What modern culture desperately needs are internal values that call on us to exercise our responsibilities, as well as our rights, as citizens. Instead of trying to justify inappropriate behavior, people in positions of power must start to behave responsibly and show restraint.

Sadly, we seem to be a long way from that. This fall, new movies and television shows that go further than ever before in showing graphic images of sex and violence will appear in theaters and on prime time. No doubt they will make lots of money from the controversies they generate.

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We can only hope there is a silver lining here. Maybe - just maybe - we, the public, finally have had enough of seeing children and women depicted as victims and sexual objects.

Calvin Klein was forced to pull his ads last month because of public outrage. And hopefully, in the weeks ahead, those of us who go to movies and watch television will stay away from the theaters and turn off our sets because we are so offended by the gratuitous violence, sexual degradation and bad taste we are subjected to on the screen.

But let's not wait for the marketers of sleaze to wrestle with questions of taste and morality. As parents and consumers, let's make it clear where we stand.

If you don't like the message, don't buy the product. Don't let your kids buy it. And remember that even if your own child doesn't fall for the marketing ploys, millions of other children are being exploited and devalued because adults can't control their own greed.

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