As an elementary school counselor, I talk with students about who is in charge of the way they perceive their circumstances. I teach them it is as if we have a television set turned on in our heads at all times. The programming is up to the individual; it may be replaying negative thoughts and past failures, or it may be playing positive thoughts and past successes. The choice is up to the person himself or herself. Happiness is a choice; we can choose to be miserable or we can choose to be happy. Some things we can do to be more optimistic and happy include:
- Surround yourself with positive people. Their happiness rubs off on you and helps you to feel more optimistic yourself.- Wear a smile and act as if you are happy. If you choose to be happy on the outside, soon your mind will believe that you are happy on the inside.
- Use humor when you are faced with a stressful situation. Often you can find something comical about an event, and it will vent the frustration.
- Put yourself in someone else's shoes. Trying to see things from their perspective can help you to feel empathic toward them and feel happier in the relationship.
- Take time to smell the daisies. Don't always be in such a hurry that you can't enjoy the giggle of a child, the golden sunset, a walk at sunrise. Take time to visit with a friend and listen to a neighbor, even though you have other things to do.
- Be pro-active in your approach to life rather than reactive. Make good things happen for yourself and your family, then you will feel more in control of your situation.
- Look for the good in others. Everyone has good qualities and negative qualities. If you choose to look for the good in others, you will find it.
- Engage yourself in successful activities. Find things to do that you really like and that can help you feel successful.
- Find joy in gospel principles. Find happiness and peace in living a Christ-like life. - Rosalie Davis, Farmington, Utah
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What we did:
Daily scriptures, prayer
Here is my "plan of happiness:"
- Have daily scripture study. Without knowing what is required of me to partake of eternal life, how can I be truly happy?
- Have daily prayer.
- Do daily acts of quiet Christian service. Look for ways to serve others, whether it is holding open a door, brushing away a tear or listening to a dear friend's struggles. - Larry Beck, Tigard, Ore.
Think positive
My job as a clinical social worker gives me the opportunity to counsel people. Some ideas that may be helpful are the following:
- Choose to be happy. Think positive.
- Focus on personal growth. Find out who you are. Set goals and develop your gifts and talents.
- Live in the here and now. Remember you can't change the past. Repent of your transgressions and then relinquish regret over past errors.
- Look for happiness within yourself. Don't expect others to be responsible for your happiness.
- Value self. Make daily choices and decisions that build your confidence and self-esteem.
- Be realistic in expectations. Striving for excellence can be motivating, always expecting perfection can be discouraging.
- Trust in the Lord. Base your happiness on a relationship with the Savior. He is the only constant in life. Everything else is subject to change. - LaNeal Livingston, Cincinnati, Ohio
`If only'
Several years ago I was a single parent facing life alone as my college-age son was preparing to move out on his own. I would say to my friends and even to my bishop, "I'm sure I could handle anything if I only had someone to share my life with."
One evening as I was walking and feeling lonely I met a neighbor coming out of the hospital. He had been visiting his wife who was in the last stages of cancer. I stopped to ask how she was doing, and he said to me, "We were just saying that a person can handle anything if they only have good health."
I decided right there that I would be happy in my present circumstances. I went home, and from the scriptures, made a list of the attributes I would like to develop. I also made a list of attributes I wanted to avoid. I studied to learn how to develop these attributes and practiced every day to be a positive and happy person. - Susan Zugg, Fortuna, Calif.
Overcome self-pity
- Maintain a close relationship with your Heavenly Father. Keep the commandments and pray specifically for direction on finding happiness in your life.
- Take good care of yourself in five basic ways: balanced diet, sufficient sleep, exercise, scripture study and doing something you enjoy every day.
- Resolve your feelings, past and present. Seek competent professional help if necessary.
- Be willing to forgive. Not forgiving others drains happiness. Pray for the power of the atonement in your life and allow the Lord to help you forgive.
- Overcome feelings of self-pity through awareness of other people's needs and serving them.
- Improve your self-image by developing a skill or talent, or setting and achieving a worthwhile goal. - Sue Jones, Bountiful, Utah
Work for it
Happiness cannot be given to us freely. It is our own responsibility to work for it. To obtain happiness, we must keep God's commandments and always remember our covenants with the Lord. Avoid situations that allow temptations. - Elder Richard Mukisa, Kenya Nairobi Mission
Key to happiness
My husband's health is very bad. My own health is poor. Never having been blessed with children, I worked full-time until 1976. Yet I consider myself to be extremely happy. I make my own happiness, in spite of constant pain and a restricted diet, by reading, writing to friends, reading the scriptures and I am so happy to be working with my husband as family history librarians. We have just enough money to live on, with an occasional treat, yet I consider myself rich. - Hilda Snowden, Adelaide, Australia
Gift of repentance
Treat yourself to the gift of repentance, experience the absolute miracle of forgiveness, commit yourself to sacrificing the desires of your natural man. It is not the natural man that defines true happiness, but it is the true love of Christ that brings happiness. - Tina Hartman, Belcamp, Md.
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How to checklist:
1 Base your happiness on a relationship with the Savior.
2 Be pro-active, rather than reactive; look for the good.
3 Choose to be happy; overcome self-pity; serve others.
4 Live gospel principles; forgive, seek forgiveness.
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WRITE TO US:
Nov. 9 "How to find joy `in the morning.' "
Nov. 16 "How to instill spirit of Thanksgiving in children."
Nov. 23 "How to prepare for the arrival of first child."
Nov. 30 "How to appropriately develop a dating relationship as single adults."
Dec. 7 "How to reach out to the lonely during the Christmas season."
Dec. 14 "How to apply the principle of repentance in daily life."
- Also interested in letters on these topics: "How to be more patient with your children," "How to foster positive communication in your family,"
Had any good experiences or practical success in any of the above subjects? Share them with our readers in about 100-150 words. Write the "How-to" editor, Church News, P.O. Box 1257, Salt Lake City, Utah 84110, send fax to (801) 237-2121 or use internet E-mail: Churchnews@desnews.com. Please include a name and phone number. Contributions may be edited or excerpted and will not be returned. Due to limited space, some contributions may not be used; those used should not be regarded as official Church doctrine or policy. Material must be received at least 12 days before publication date.