Toward the end of His mortal ministry, Jesus' disciples inquired of Him about the last days and His Second Coming. They asked, "Tell us, when shall these thing be? and what shall be the sign of thy coming and of the end of the world?" (Matt. 24:3)
Jesus answered and spoke of some of the conditions that would exist prior to His Second Coming. Of particular interest regarding marriage and family relationships, Jesus stated: "And then shall many be offended, and shall betray one another and shall hate one another . . . and because iniquity shall abound, the love of many shall wax cold." (vs. 10,12)With these trends in mind, the current status of marriage in the United States, for instance, would indicate that the last days are rapidly approaching or are even here.
Similar situations in other countries suggest the same. Social scientists now estimate that 54 percent of those married at the present time in the U.S. will eventually divorce.
But divorce rates differ according to the time married. Those who married between 1930-50 can expect a divorce rate of about 24 percent; between 1950-70, a 36 percent divorce rate; and between 1970-85, a 53-56 percent divorce rate.
Those who have married in the U.S. since 1985, however, can expect a divorce rate of 60 percent or more.
This projected trend may be influenced by what young people observe or experience in their own homes. A recent news report stated at the present time one-third of Americans in their 20s have divorced parents.1
When the current estimated legal separation rate (3 percent) and abandonment rate (6 percent) - seldom included in divorce reports - are added, we have more than a two-thirds marital disruption rate projected for those who have recently married in the United States.2
It should also be noted that the 54 percent divorce rate previously noted is an average. Divorce rates, therefore, will not only differ according to the time married, but will also be higher in some geographical areas and lower in others.
Those living in the eastern part of the United States generally have lower divorce rates than those living in the West. One nationally known marriage counselor and educator recently noted the overall number of marriages ending in divorce in the U.S. will likely increase. He also observed the number of married couples expected to divorce in California is currently 75 percent.3
Contemporary divorce, legal separation and abandonment statistics, however, do not disclose the entire status of marriage in America. Not all who remain married are necessarily happy or satisfied with their relationship.
A Gallup poll in 1989 found that "40 percent of married individuals had considered leaving their partners, 20 percent said they were dissatisfied with their marriage about half the time, and 28 percent had already been divorced once."4
Perhaps as few as 15-20 percent of couples in the United States currently attain the fulfillment and happiness they were seeking in their first marriage.
Enough of the bad news. The good news is that marriage in the United States still remains one of the most popular voluntary institutions today. No one has to marry but nearly everyone does.
At the present time 90 percent of Americans marry sometime during their life compared to 80 percent who married at the turn of the century. Even among the large number who divorce, marriage still remains popular with 70-80 percent of divorced people remarrying.
In fact, the number of second marriages is rapidly increasing. Of the 2.3 million marriages in the U.S. each year, 46 percent (some estimate 50 percent) of new marriages are comprised of at least one partner who has been previously married. In 23 percent of the annual marriages in the U.S., both spouses have been previously married. Second marriages may become more common than first marriages each year in the U.S. during the next two decades.
From these trends we note that marriage does not have to be made popular.
Apparently it is a dominant life goal of nearly everyone in America. Contemporary marriage does, however, need to be made more stable and satisfying for both husband and wife. The restored gospel of Jesus Christ has something to offer in this regard.
In 1842, the Prophet Joseph Smith wrote: "Happiness is the object and design of our existence; and will be the end thereof, if we pursue the path that leads to it; and this path is virtue, uprightness, faithfulness, holiness, and keeping all the commandments of God."5
Mormon stated the Lord was "doing all things for the welfare and happiness of his people," (Hel. 12:2). King Benjamin similarly wrote, "And moreover, I would desire that ye should consider on the blessed and happy state of those who keep the commandments of God," (Mosiah 2:41). Moroni spoke of "the sacred word of God, (scriptures) to which we owe all our happiness," (Alma 44:5).
After Jesus Christ had established His Church among the Nephites, many were baptized and apparently lived what He taught them "and surely there could not be a happier people among all the people who had been created by the hand of God," (4 Ne. 1:16).
Revelation by modern apostles and prophets give additional insights as to how happiness may be attained in contemporary marriage. In "The Family: A Proclamation To The World," the LDS First Presidency and Quorum of the Twelve recently declared: "Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities."6
But only hearing or listening to the teachings of the Master will not suffice. We must practice and apply them in our marriages and daily living. At the end of the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus cautioned:
"Therefore whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock: And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not: for it was founded upon a rock."
"And everyone that heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them not, shall be likened unto a foolish man, which built his house upon the sand: And the rains descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell and great was the fall of it," (Matthew 7:24-27).
As Elder Neal A. Maxwell recently noted, "If the combination of rainmakers prevails, however, the rains will continue to descend and the floods will continue to come. . . . More and more families, even nations, if built upon secular sand instead of gospel granite, will suffer."7
The phrase, "on the rocks," is derived from ships at sea that were inadequately navigated, ready to sink or be abandoned and then washed ashore - "on the rocks." These conditions could be avoided, however if marriages were built "on the rock," and Helaman reminds us what that rock should be:
" . . . Remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which you have built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fail." (Hel. 5:12).
Before He left His mortal ministry Jesus told His disciples they would experience difficulties and sorrows during this life. But he added, "These things have I spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer: I have overcome the world," (John 16:33).
In the midst of the current social turmoil of marital disruption, Latter-day Saints may wonder if successful and happy marriages are still possible?
President Spencer W. Kimball answered the question.
He was president of the Church during the 1970s and early 1980s when the "winds and the rains" descended with great force upon marriages and family life in America. During turbulent times, President Kimball gave this encouraging insight:
"While marriage is difficult, and discordant and frustrated marriages are common, yet real, lasting happiness is possible, and marriages can be more an exultant ecstasy than the human mind can conceive. This is within the reach of every couple, every person."8
Notes
1 NBC "Nightside," Sept. 24, 1996.
2 Just for Newlyweds, Salt Lake City, Deseret Book Company, 1992, pp. 5-6, by the writer.
3 John Gray, Mars and Venus Together Forever, New York: Harper-Perennial, 1996, p. 4.
4 David H. Olson and John DeFrain, "Marriage and the Family, Diversity and Strengths," Mountain View, Calif., Mayfield Publishing Co., 1994, p. 6
5 "Teachings of the Prophet Smith," pp. 255-56.
6 Sept. 23, 1995, printed in the Ensign, November 1995, pp. 102.
7 "Take Especially Care of Your Family," Ensign, May, 1994, p. 89.
8 Marriage, Salt Lake City, Deseret Book Company, 1978, pp. 46-7.