I was watching an old episode of "I Love Lucy" recently. In it, Lucy and Ethel go shopping, buying some dresses they're thrilled with.
Lucy opines to Ethel, however, that she won't be able to wear her new dress for months."Why?" Ethel asks. "Because I have to put it in the back of the closet for a while." Lucy responds. "That way, when Ricky asks "Is that a new dress?' I can say `No, this old thing? I've had it in the closet for months!' "
This gets a big guffaw, because it plays on the stereotype of the spendthrift wife. A staple of situation comedies, stand-up comic routines and Broadway plays for generations, we're used to seeing the crafty wife try to hide or at least explain her spending to her beleaguered husband who is constantly complaining about it. Such a situation was funny precisely because it reflected real life in so many marriages.
One would assume that with the 1990s and the modern wife, whether or not she works, such a scene would have been left strictly with the past. After all, we women are liberated, we have our own money - or at least share equally in our husband's - we make our own decisions. We don't need to justify our spending decisions to anybody, right?
Wrong! Such habits as wives hiding their spending from their husbands apparently die very hard. In fact, I'm beginning to think the practice is innate. Because young or old, rich or poor, liberated or old-fashioned, it seems to be alive and well.
Recently, I went on a shopping excursion with a friend. She spied for me a darling outfit that I absolutely did not need but positively had to have. Hmm. What to do? It was expensive and would be impossible to justify. Never mind that I'm a professional, or that my husband and I see ourselves as equal partners in his success.
He would kill me if he found out about it. There was only one possible course of action. Buy the outfit, put it on a credit card that he would never see, and pay for it bit by bit so it wouldn't be noticed.
As my friend and I discussed my strategy, she made a confession. She often did exactly the same thing. In fact, she had whole charge accounts her husband didn't even know about. What surprised me is that she herself is rich. And I mean R-I-C-H rich. It doesn't matter. The urge to hide her spending was stronger than the reality of her financial situation.
In fact, whenever I broach this subject, stories just pour out from all sorts of women. One professional I know bought three outfits she could well afford at one time. Still, she put the items on three separate credit cards - as the male shopkeeper smiled knowingly.
Another successful acquaintance of mine makes more money than her husband. But, she felt it was in her interest to suggest that a recent redecorating job cost thousands less than it did. One friend simply squirrels away household money every month, going on a mini shopping spree for herself about twice a year. Her husband is none the wiser.
Yet another woman friend is quite open about everything she buys. She just regularly and consistently low-balls the real price to her husband.
Almost every woman I know has at least one how-I-hid-the-spending-from-my-husband tale. Yes, it takes ingenuity - especially for those women who don't have their own incomes. The spending has to be hidden, and whatever it bought explained away. But you know what? As much as I hate to admit it, most of my "sisters" are up to the task.
Why do we do it? Maybe it's in-bred. Maybe it's easier this way. My theory? It's just plain fun.