DANGLING PARTICIPLE

This is an alert aimed at all Hot Pocket eaters. No, it's nothing drastic; not an official USDA commandment. Just a bonus bit of info to protect our loyal Deseret News readers.

An unfortunate food-related incident occurred in this city last weekend.

While viewing a cowboy movie, a young man named Joshua bit into a freshly-microwaved Ham and Cheese Hot Pocket. A portion of his lower face was instantly fried by a dangle of hot cheese.

The torrid cheddar oozed from the pocket and attached itself like an alien to his chin, causing a third degree dental-floss-shaped burn.

The good news is that a concentrated regimen of open-air healing plus Neosporin is correcting the blistered area.

Thanks, Josh, for selflessly warning us a potential food dangers lurking out there. Stick that chin out and be proud of your red badge of fromage.

After all, Haute Cuisine can be mean!

CHEESY HORSE DIVER

Josh, here's another quest for you. It's well worth the danger!

JALAPENO BAKED BRIE

2 4-ounce pkgs crescent roll dough

1 8-ounce wheel of brie cheese

2 tablespoons Tabasco jalapeno sauce

1 egg, beaten

Preheat oven to 375 degrees F. Work dough into thin circle large enough to completely wrap brie. Place brie in center of dough circle. With fork, poke top of brie several times. Slowly pour 1 tablespoon Tabasco over top of cheese, allowing it to sink in. Add rest of Tabasco, poking cheese a few more times. Fold dough over top of cheese, working it together. Brush edges with beaten egg to help seal. Bake about 10 minutes, following directions on crescent roll package. Serve immediately with crackers. Serves 8.

Oh yes, watch your chin!

DUMB AND STUPIDER

Frank Klinko, San Diego Union-Tribune reporter contributes these politically correct ways to say someone is stupid. We chose the foodie ones:

A few fries short of a Happy Meal.

A few peas short of a casserole.

Doesn't have all his cornflakes in one box.

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One taco short of a combination plate.

The cheese slid off his cracker.

And from Erin Perry, a Colorado reporter:

Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

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