If you want to scare people in Hollywood, you don't show them "Halloween." You show them "Heaven's Gate."

This still notorious Western fiasco has everything Hollywood fears most: outsized, out-of-control budgets and egos; a willful disregard for audience tastes; and career-and-studio-busting losses.All it lacked was the kind of intense, incessant media bloodlust that would track and vivisect any similar folly today.

Yet what's really frightening about "Heaven's Gate" is that Hollywood didn't stay frightened for long. No sooner had they closed the "Gate" than they were throwing money at "Ishtar." Maybe it's just the Halloween candy talking, but it's almost as if the town's possessed.

What can the movie-going public do in defense? "The Exorcist" won't help. The only answer is to rent the following 10 horrors for a Halloween marathon.

If that doesn't scare people straight, nothing will.

"Hudson Hawk" (1991, Columbia Tristar, $19.95): This self-destructive Bruce Willis vehicle proves the Inverse Ratio Theory of screen comedy: The more the actors enjoy the joke, the less the audience does. It also proves that it's virtually impossible to pull off a big-star, big-budget action comedy, a lesson taught once again by "Last Action Hero." By the way, one of Hudson's helpers is TV prodigal son David Caruso, who, curiously enough, seldom lists "Hudson" in his credits. Now that's frightening.

"Showgirls" (1995, MGM/UA, priced for rental): Elizabeth Berkley stars as a young dancer whose only aspiration is to be a Las Vegas show girl, which, given her performance here, might not be a bad career choice. Most of the critical attacks, however, centered on writer Joe Eszterhas, who had already come under fire for the far more successful "Basic Instinct." He says jealous critics were just waiting to get him. How nice of him to make it so easy.

"Waterworld" (1995, MCA/Universal, $19.95): Careers overboard! If you're talking about return on investment, the similarly wet "Cutthroat Island" actually made the bigger belly-flop, but it lacked "Waterworld's" internal bickering and profligate flair. What's more, things had been going extraordinarily well for star Kevin Costner - hit movies, Oscars, critical acclaim - and we can't stand to see that go on for too long. There are only two things Americans won't tolerate: failure and success.

"Cleopatra" (1963, Fox, $29.98): Adjusted for inflation, "Cleo" is still probably the most expensive movie, and the biggest failure, ever made. Unlike "Waterworld," however, you can see the budget on screen - or at least you can when Elizabeth Taylor isn't getting in the way of the scenery. She may not regret it ("Cleopatra" turned her from actress to icon), but the studio's accountants sure did.

"1941" (1979, MCA/Universal, $14.95): Steven Spielberg's huge comedy has everything: big cast, big sets and a show-stopping rolling Ferris wheel. Everything except laughs.

"Myra Breckinridge" (1970, Fox, priced for rental): Those who think society is crumbling should be happy to know that, despite a loosening of sexual standards, it is still possible for a movie to be in shockingly bad taste. And what's better, you don't even have to watch the whole film: Just about any 10-minute segment contains something so egregiously tasteless, you'll want to wear gloves to remove the tape.

"Johnny Guitar" (1953, Republic, $14.98): Joan Crawford and Mercedes McCambridge as Old West hellions engaged in what appears to be a prolonged and unusually bitter lover's spat. It's not dull, but it will leave you wondering what they possibly could have been thinking. For most actors, "Guitar" would have been a career low point. For Crawford, who went on to make such films as "Berserk" and "Strait-Jacket," it was just a warm-up.

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"Bonfire of the Vanities" (1990, Warner, $19.98): How much does America love Tom Hanks? So much, it even forgave him for "Bonfire." The movie trashed Tom Wolfe's epoch-defining book, and pretty much embarrassed everyone involved. But it did result in a great behind-scenes-book, Julie Salamon's "The Devil's Candy," which apparently angered co-star Bruce Willis as much as his reviews.

"When Time Ran Out" (1980, Warner, $19.98): Irwin Allen's string of disaster hits came to an explosive end with this ludicrous non-thriller about an island resort attacked by a killer volcano. Paul Newman, Jacqueline Bisset, William Holden, Burgess Meredith and Red Buttons are among the actors dodging the volcano's papier-mache fire balls. Pity the survivors: They have to stick around to the end of the movie.

"Valley of the Dolls" (1967, Fox, $19.98): The ultimate Hollywood disaster - a movie so irredeemably awful it's even spawned a stage parody. Dolls, by the way, are drugs - which must be where the saying "Just Say No" comes from.

(Distributed by Scripps Howard News Service.)

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