Can a single woman, 55 or over, find happiness in a world that places so much emphasis on families, husbands and significant others?
At first blush, the situation looks bleak.The Older Women's League (OWL) reports: "More older women in the future are likely to live alone and enter retirement without a husband."
Not only does that imply years of loneliness; almost invariably, it means less money, often a lot less. OWL reports that "almost four times more widows live in poverty than do wives the same age."
So what can women do about it?
Cathleen Rountree, currently single and author of "On Women Turning 50" (Harper San Francisco, $22), says despair is not part of her vocabulary.
"You can have a serene, pleasant life without men," she says. "Hormones are not as raging as they once were. People are still sexual, but it's not as important as it once was.
"You can spend a great deal of time looking for a man," but she rejects that approach for herself.
Instead, she says, "I put most of my energy into my art, writing and friends and hope for the best. I've had several relationships, been married once, have a 26-year-old son." She is not bent on finding a man who will make her feel financially secure.
Caroline Bird, 80, of Poughkeepsie, N.Y., twice married and now a widow, isn't scouring the streets for someone who will solve all of her problems, either. The author of "Lives of Our Own" (Houghton Mifflin, $22.95), Bird doesn't buy the argument that life becomes a bland muddle for older single women. Just the contrary: A life alone can bring out the pioneer spirit.
"Being left alone after the first flush of youth," Bird says, "is supposed to be the worst possible thing that can happen to a woman. But it's just those women who have had to learn to live by themselves in their later years who have the most to teach."
Bird says that as she has aged, she has learned:
- "I don't miss the activities that take more energy than they are worth."
- "There are many things I can do without."
- "I'm better at seeing the woods instead of the trees."
- "I like myself better than I did when I was younger."
- "I'm less thrilled by successes or depressed by failures."
What about sheltered women who never went out into the workplace, women who were financially dependent on their husbands? Can they get along without them?
Katherine Allen, a single mother and a gerontologist at Virginia Tech in Blacksburg, Va., says women don't realize how many survival skills they do have.
"Very rarely does a woman come (to single life) with nothing," Allen says. "She tends to have a history of good relationship skills, probably has some connection in the community."
Rountree found inspiration in her interviews with women like Deanne Burke, 52, a single mother in Berkeley, Calif.
"My father is 86 and my mother 83, so I probably will live until 90," Burke says. "What would I like to do between now and 90? I'd like to see the Amazon area.
"When I look at some women and I see how life is written all over them, I think, Isn't it wonderful? I don't see it as frightening at all."
For women who are divorced and have to worry about retirement finances, OWL's statistics are not too reassuring. Not only are women's wages lower than men's; only 13 percent of women age 65 and older receive a private pension.
The league says long-range planning for retirement is more important than ever. That means saving and going to school to learn skills. Savings should increase when children are grown - preferably about 20 percent of income - but even during the years with young children, 10 percent should be set aside if at all possible.
For women who want a bit of financial and emotional support, The Thanks Be to Grandmother Winifred Foundation might be the answer.
Established by a wealthy Long Island woman who prefers anonymity, it provides grants of $500 to $5,000 to women over 54 to encourage them to develop cultural, economic and educational programs. It is named in memory of Rachel Winifred Upjohn Light, heiress to the Upjohn drug fortune who died in 1929.
Among winners have been Rebecca Latimer, 88, who received funds to pay a household aide while she completed a book, "Working Toward a Serene Old Age"; Helen Josephine Ledford, 62, who started a "Grannies Organized" to collect the oral history of the black women of Harlan County, Ky.; and Christine Red Cloud, 60, who got money to increase the marketing opportunities for Oglala Lakota women artisans producing beadwork on the Pine Ridge Reservation in South Dakota.
For a brochure, write to The Thanks Be to Grandmother Winifred Foundation, P.O. Box 1449., Wainscott, N.Y. 11975.