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GOP SHORT OF PARTY ANIMALS

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Zombie Jamboree: The name of that old rock-'n'-roll song pretty much sums up last week's Republican Lincoln Day dinner. The Cadillacs, a quintet that sings old rock tunes a capella, performed that song along with several bebopping numbers. But not many heads were bobbing in the crowd of 600 or so.

Maybe that's understandable. Those folks were there, after all, for some Grand Old Party politics, not '50s rock-n-roll.Outside of the Cadillacs, the only other entertainment was provided by the six 3rd Congressional District candidates. Each was asked to donate door prizes that reflect his personality. The following is a list of the candidates and their offerings. We're not sure what it says about them. You'll have to decide for yourself.

Parley Hellewell - a garbage disposal with insulation.

Tom Draschil - a sledge hammer.

Bruce Blosil - two compact discs signed by the artists, Sam Cardon and Kurt Bestor, and a Dan Quayle tie clasp and lapel pin.

Jay Liechty - two coupons to Lube-N-Go and a Liechty T-shirt the size of the Macey's flag in Orem.

Chris Cannon - a book about Ronald Reagan and a biography of Abraham Lincoln.

Stephen Sandstrom - mahogany bookends and a biography of Abraham Lincoln.

And speaking of door prizes, the one that topped them all had to be the $650 bail bond a local company donated - sort of a "Get Out of Jail Free" card. You know those wild and crazy Republicans, always getting into trouble.

Hands on: Here's a riddle - what's eight-handed, right-brained and skilled at playing two grand pianos simultaneously? The American Piano Quartet, the only touring company of its kind in America - consisting of BYU faculty members Mack Wilberg, Jeffrey Shumway, Paul Pollei and BYU grad-u-ate Massimiliano Frani - played at the university's de Jong Concert Hall on Valentine's Day.

It was a remarkable and innovative performance, especially the GalopMarche, which brought all eight hands to a single piano competing for a few keys to play and a page to turn.

One couldn't help but wonder if herein lies a way to jazz up the Miss Utah piano talents, which sometimes seem to go on for hours. Have four at a time do their thing. Or perhaps, in keeping with the contestants who dance to their own vocal and piano accompaniment, a contestant could do all four parts? Just a thought.

Understatement: A headline in the Daily Universe referring to the upcoming opening of the Mt. Timpanogos LDS Temple read as follows: "Temple Open House Could Mean Traffic." You think?

A little light crime: In Orem, a 20-foot light pole has disappeared from the front of what used to be the FHP property on 1300 South. The pole, valued at $300, wasn't standing yet. Officials were waiting for a halogen lamp before they stood it up.

Now it's gone. Somebody must have really needed a study lamp.