My dad couldn't write his column this week. He had to attend too many serious Snow College meetings. I've been in many meetings. I think, counting school classes, church, the filming of "The Price Is Right" (by the way, you can see my appearance on March 15) and being sucked into pyramid schemes, I have spent about 21.65 percent of my life in meetings. I consider myself a professional meeting critic. So, all the information in this article is based on scientific research performed by a professional in the field of study. In other words, I'm just thinking this up as I go. It is a learning matter.
Something that has interested me more than anything else about meetings is the group response to humor. I have been extremely confused to see people nearly die of laughter just because someone says, "Bob and I go way back. Isn't that right, Bob." Then at other times when someone says something extremely funny, no one laughs. Except for me, of course.Then everyone else laughs at me for making a fool of myself. I have always been good in the entertainment business.
There are different kinds of laughs. The laugh I enjoy most is the church laugh. This is a very peaceful laugh that usually travels in a wave, starting with the person who dares laugh in church. This laugh is more air than noise. Many times it is performed without opening the mouth. What I want to know is why we are so worried about laughing in church. We don't want to make noise, but while we are trying to keep our snickers under our breath, the kid in the back is screaming his lungs out.
The pyramid scheme meeting laugh is an "I'm laughing because the guy next to me is and . . . I just want to get out of here" laugh.
In most pyramid sales organizations, a 6.5 percent bonus is given to each person who can get five other people to laugh or just listen to him laugh in their home. If any of those five people can get another five people to laugh, an additional 5.6 percent bonus is given and a manager position is in the future.
The school class laugh is usually for extra credit: "I hope the teacher thinks I enjoy his jokes." We may find ourselves completely lost, but laughing, in our biology class because the guy who sits on the front row, a biology major, is laughing. The school class laugh is the most important of all laughs because we are graded on it.
When I went to the filming of "The Price Is Right," I was introduced to the forced laugh. We laughed when the sign said "laugh." In fact, we even had practice laughs before the filming began and decided what seating section was going to say "ohhhh" and what section was going to say "ahhhh" when the new car was revealed. I didn't think "The Price Is Right" was very funny.
In an extensive study, done in the laboratory of my own head, I have concluded that the increase in the number of people in a group is directly proportional to the decline in the collective response to quality humor. In other words, the more of us present, the stupider we are. Except, of course, when we are exposed to a "Price Is Right" situation. Then we aren't ourselves; we are what the sign says. Think about it. When was the last time people laughed during the Republican primaries because of something that was actually funny?
The point is that laughing doesn't matter anywhere except in school. We don't get a grade in church, exactly. We aren't going to get a grade on "The Price Is Right"; we just want to be on TV. If we laugh during a pyramid scheme presentation, we are laughing at someone, not laughing with someone. But in school, our response in laughter is figured into the final grade.
Not every class or teacher is entertaining. This, however, does not mean that laughter can't help get a better grade. That is what matters most, isn't it? So, here are a few pointers I have learned from laughing through, and passing, many boring classes.
1. If the professor laughs, laugh. Try as hard as possible, without making it too obvious, to imitate his laughing style unless snorting or drooling is involved.
2. If someone on the front row laughs, laugh. Those people on the front row know what they are doing. They also know what the professor is talking about because they read the same dictionary in their free time.
3. Never outdo the group response to humor by more than a slight chuckle or giggle.
4. If the professor starts to look at you strangely, stop laughing.
Well, my dad is going to get back from his meeting soon. I better send this to the Deseret News before he finds out what I've written. I don't think he will be laughing.