Dear Lois: We live in Illinois, and my mother-in-law lives in New York state.
Two months ago, my mother-in-law came for "a short visit" (her words, not mine). When I last looked in the living room, she was still sleeping on the sofa there.We have a small apartment, two little kids, and I'm crazed. I want my mother-in-law to get her own apartment if she plans to live here or go home where she belongs.
My husband is afraid to say anything to her (she's divorced, and my husband doesn't want to hurt his mom). Meanwhile he's killing his wife. What next?
- Crazed Wife
Dear Crazed: Since your mother-in-law doesn't seem to notice that she is putting her roots down in the middle of your life, you need some expert help.
With your husband at your side, consult the Family Service Association or a local church if you (or your mother-in-law) have an affiliation.
You do not mention whether your mother-in-law assists in the house or with child care, but if she is capable of either (or both), perhaps you will find a way to keep her in your life and the children's lives in a meaningful way.
A grandmother can be a wonderful, stimulating addition to any child's life - provided she is welcomed fully by the parents. And if you want still more proof of a grandparent's pride, here's an example of the kind of letters I get every week:
Dear Lois: I now have 29 grandchildren with more to come in '96. I also have 10 great-grandchildren with two more on the way.
- Margaret McGrail,
Worcester, Mass.
Dear Margaret: And the amazing thing is that each is so different!
Dear Lois: When my granddaughter was about 8, my husband (her grandfather) had to have surgery. She printed a get-well card for him that said, "The best things about getting better are the gifts you get: You have no more pain, and you go home and no more shots. The worst things about getting better are no more presents, and the worst thing of all are the bills."
That girl is now a college graduate, but her card is still with me. I have other grandchildren, and they are lots of fun, too.
- Mildred Newman,
Palm Harbor, Fla.
Dear Mildred: And so we build our memories from scraps of lives we love.
Dear Lois: When my son Terry came home from his first day at school in second grade, I asked him his new teacher's name. He hesitated, then said, "Mrs. Wacky." Several days later he brought me a note from her signed "Mrs. Looney."
- Geraldine Dixon,
Willow Street, Pa.
Dear Geraldine: Looney is as Wacky does.
Dear Lois: When our granddaughter Kari was 3, she was spending the night with us because we were going to the zoo the next day. That night we told her that she had to go to bed with the chickens because we had to get up early.
Next morning at 6:30 she ran into our room shouting, "Nana and Poppy, get up. The chickens are already up."
- Rose Mary Hefley,
Ardmore, Okla.
Dear Rose Mary: Children are literal, aren't they?
Dear Lois: I popped corn for my grandchildren, Christine, age 3, and Thomas, age 3. I placed the bowl on a kitchen stool so they could reach it easily. Soon, however, Thomas was throwing handfuls all over the kitchen as if it were confetti.
I admonished him, then looked to see Christine doing the same thing. I raised my voice to ask Christine if she hadn't heard that was a no-no.
She just looked at me in surprise and replied innocently, "Oh, but Grandma, mine was an accident."
- Myrna Rankin, Peoria, Ill.
Dear Myrna: Now the real question is - did we think it was so cute when their parents did the same things?