Welcome to Big Dance Evaluation Central, where we've run fresh out of sympathy. We've got some on order, but it will take eight to 10 working days for delivery, and the delivery people only work two days a year.
Frankly, we're sick and tired of the whining and whimpering of the left-outs or the unfairlyseededs.However, we are making one major exception.
We are allowing sympathy for Jerry Tarkanian's Fresno State Bulldogs, who were omitted from the field of 64 in partial repayment for Tark's crimes and misdemeanors against the NCAA, including all the times he beat those guys in a court of law.
You can bet the nine-man selection committee shared a group huzzah and high-five (high 45?) when they scratched Fresno State off the Big List in their Big Dance War Room.
Tark took it like a man, his dignity making the selection committee look even smaller of heart and shabbier of character than it already looks.
Asked on TV if his team got a fair shake, Tarkanian took the high road and said, "That's not for me to decide. I'm still real proud of our kids. We'll just have to get better next year, that's all."
Which should be the theme for every left-out team. But the Bulldogs should have been one of the best stories of the first round of the tournament. Tarkanian comes out of retirement, exhumes the hoops program at his alma mater with a Tark-like collection of misfits and semi-fits, survives a horrible start and has his kids playing great ball.
The Bulldogs win 20 games, beat Utah twice, lose to New Mexico in the conference tournament in triple overtime.
And most impressive, if you're a critic of the Tarkanian Method, was the Bulldogs' record this season: zero arrests, zero convictions.
Of course, to jam Fresno State into the Scintillating 64, the Ninny Committee Nine probably would have bounced Cal, Arkansas or Santa Clara, and then you would have heard some real whining.
Nolan Richardson was doing advance campaigning for his Arkansas team, saying the Razorbacks deserved a bid based on past NCAA tournament performance, even though they don't have a single starter back from last season.
Richardson seemed to be saying, "Let us in because I am me."
The feeling here is that teams that finish lousy should keep their mouths shut and their fingers crossed, and not try to talk their team into the draw like used-car salesmen.
Granted, the selection of the 34 at-large teams is a sophisticated dart-board toss at best, with injustices an integral part of the pageant. The selectors are asked to compare apples and rutabagas and then mix 'em all into a hearty casserole.
And of the 34 at-large picks, the bottom eight or 10 teams are Hamburger Helper, anyway. San Jose State, for instance, got into the dance with a losing record, by virtue of a conference tournament title, and now Stan Morrison's gutsy guys will be decorated with parsley and fed raw to the Kentucky Wildcats in the first round. The Wildcats lost Sunday and are in an absolute frenzy.
But fair is fair, and if you take a whiff, the shunning of Fresno State has a faintly rancid odor to it.
Should the Bulldogs have been invited instead of, say, Cal? The Bears seemed to be polishing up their collective chip, ready to place it on shoulder if the committee passed 'em by.
"I still feel we deserve a tournament bid," Cal coach Todd Bozeman said Saturday after his team blew a big second-half lead to go 0-for-Arizona and finish the regular season with a resounding CLUNK. Either of the Arizona losses would have been tough to explain; back-to-back, forget it.
Apparently, momentum was not a huge factor when it came to filling the last few spots in the draw, with Cal and Santa Clara both suffering embarrassing finishes and getting a ticket anyway.
Now the pressure shifts to Cal. The Bears open against Iowa State in the Midwest Regionals, and you talk about getting a huge second chance in life.
The Bears, by winning at least one game in the tournament, could go a long way toward living down their image as erratic underachievers plagued by some mysterious defect of character, heart or chemistry.
More was expected of Cal than has been delivered thus far, and you can't blame it all on youth.
But that's what the Big Dance is all about, proving what you're really worth, showing that you're as good as your hype, or getting a chance to re-invent your team, demonstrating your growth and poise and mettle and gaining forgiveness for the sins and upsets from that long-ago regular season and from various past lives.
And that's why Tark the Shark's lads of bark should have been invited.