Here are the political commercials you will never see on television.
- "Hi, I'm Steve Forbes, and I paid for this commercial with my own money. I'm running for president because I am the only one who can afford it. I may not be the best man for the job, but when I get my flat tax I'll be a lot more fun than the other candidates. If you don't understand my flat tax proposal, I'll fly you to New Jersey and personally explain it to you."- "Hi, my name is Pat Buchanan, and, like everyone else running for president, I'm praying that the best man wins and the Republican Party comes out on top. Maybe I don't have all the answers, my friends, but that doesn't mean I am not a good and honest man who has all his suits made in Mexico. No matter if I win or lose, I will fight to the death to allow every voter to carry a gun during the primaries. I have been criticized for having racists, white supremacists and anti-Semites on my staff. Well, nobody is perfect. At least they're not illegal immigrants from El Salvador."
- "My name is Bob Dole, and as Senate majority leader everyone calls me `Chuckles.' I am asking for your vote today, not because I am the most qualified person for the office but because I am a veteran of World War II. I have no better ideas for the country than Bill Clinton, but I do believe that we should have a seasoned man over 70 at the helm of this great nation. My Republican opponents have been taking a lot of cheap shots at me, but I know that they don't mean it. They're all good and dedicated men, and I am proud to run against them. If I am unsuccessful I am not going to blame anybody but my own inept campaign. If you don't vote for me, why not take another look at Louis Farrakhan?"