Sarah Green Burger of the National Citizens Coalition for Nursing Home Reform has some tips for relatives of patients in a new book, "Nursing Homes" (American Source Books, $13.95).

Recognizing that relatives frequently have trouble handling problems that arise in nursing home care, she offers these suggestions:- Don't let complaints accumulate until you are so frustrated that you will be unable to state your concerns objectively. Take up issues one at a time when you can be calmer.

If your mother's clothes aren't color-coordinated, for example, you should ask if she really cares. If it is not a critical issue, you might want to overlook this problem and focus on other more important issues.

- You should be familiar with the nursing home regulations that apply to a particular problem. Prior to meeting with nursing home officials, you may want to seek advice from a long-term care ombudsman.

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- When you hold a conference about a particular problem, make sure that the nursing home officials who attend are the people who can solve the problem. Also, make sure enough time has been set aside to deal with the issue properly.

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