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WOULD-BE GUESTS ARE NOT ALLOWED TO INVITE THEMSELVES

Dear Abby: My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year; however, we are not officially engaged yet.

Some of our friends have gotten married, and we attended those weddings together, as we were both invited.This summer, his family will be invited to many weddings. I have met many of his family's friends, but if they do not include my name on the invitation, is it proper for my boyfriend to call the bride and ask her if I may attend?

- May Not be Invited

Dear May Not: No, it is not proper. If there is no "and Guest" on the invitation, it would be extremely presumptuous for your boyfriend to telephone the bride and ask if you may attend.

Dear Abby: I am very troubled. When I married my second husband, "Fred," he told me he was a virgin and passed himself off as caring toward women. Then, after our marriage, he mentioned that he used to frequent strip joints. I was upset about it because I'm a feminist, and I feel that visiting strip joints is disrespectful to women.

Two days before I went into labor to deliver our son, Fred told me that out of the five women he had slept with, he ranked me about third. After all, I'm 10 years older than Fred, and I'll never be as physically attractive as a prostitute. Then he said that emotionally he was more attracted to his high school sweetheart.

Abby, this is my second marriage and my third child. My chances of finding romance again are getting slimmer and slimmer.

I'm not ugly; I'm tall, slender and fairly attractive. I can't understand why someone who claims to love me would tell me that I rank lower than a prostitute. I was crushed. It made me feel very undesirable.

I told Fred if he wanted a younger woman, I'd leave and take the baby so he could start over again. He said no, he wanted me.

I find it degrading to live with a man who has been with prostitutes. He could have given me a disease. Am I the only woman who finds men who frequent prostitutes revolting? I can't see myself spending the rest of my life with a man like Fred.

However, he's going to college at my insistence. He says he has changed, and he'll volunteer some time in a women's crisis center to make amends.

Abby, should I stay with Fred or write him off as a bad mistake?

- Devastated in Renton, Wash.

Dear Devastated: If Fred were sincere about making amends, he would offer to join you in marriage counseling instead of putting himself in a position to "help" troubled and vulnerable women in crisis.

Fear that your chances of finding another mate are slim is a poor reason for remaining in an abusive relationship. If I were you, I'd write Fred off as a bad mistake. And since he has told you that he has slept with prostitutes, I urge you to be tested for AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases.

Dear Abby: My given name is William. My checks and credit cards are printed "William." My business cards identify me as William, and I introduce myself as William. My problem is, everybody wants to call me Bill, Billy, Willie or Will.

Today I received approximately 20 business phone calls, and at least 18 people, most of whom I've never met, immediately called me Bill. I find this presumptuous.

Abby, why do most people assume it is OK to address everyone named William as Bill? I notice that people named James are usually called Jim or Jimmy, and people named Robert are called Bob or Bobby.

Perhaps if you print this, it will let people know that they should use a person's name as he or she uses it.

- Call Me William

1996 Universal Press Syndicate

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ONLINE

All of the Dear Abby columns since 1988 are available online. Search for "DEAR ABBY" in the Lifestyle section and the Deseret News archives.