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A FEW WORDS TO MADONNA, HILLARY ET AL.

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A number of things:

Memo to Madonna: Now that you're expecting with your 29-year-old bodyguard-boyfriend, a thought on how to set an example worthy of your name: Marry the guy. As radio therapist Laura Schlessinger says, "First make a nest, then make a baby."- Speaking of setting an example, memo to Hillary: I trust you're serious about adopting a baby, as I can't imagine you'd broadcast noble plans simply to display virtue with no intent about following through.

- Great newspaper ad for the Atomic Grill: "Arrogant. Accomplished. Sought-After. And that's Just Our Busboy."

- I've waited 30 years to say this, but I have to get it off my chest. The professor was badly miscast in "Gilligan's Island." Too serious. Too handsome. Not a natural comedian. I'd like to know who's responsible.

- Metaphor for raising children: Pedaling uphill pulling two of them in one of those two-wheeled child bike trailers.

- It's amazing how quickly children crying from being walloped by a sibling get better after seeing said sibling punished.

- I don't care that after finishing those awesome special effects, the makers of "Twister" looked up and said, "Whoops, forgot a plot" - I still loved it.

- The power of movies: With $56.9 million in its first three days, "Mission: Impossible" took in more than most companies do in 365.

- Wonder if I could get paid millions to endorse products by dyeing my hair green and wearing a feathered boa. Works for Dennis Rodman.

- So Charles and Di's eldest son doesn't want to be king. Says he wants a normal, happy life. Can't imagine where he got the idea that royal life isn't.

- O.J. Simpson told an Oxford audience the U.S. justice system is unequal in the way it treats the two races. Perhaps black defendants don't always get equal justice. But in his own case, I'd say he's right in a way he didn't intend: Had a white defendant faced the same evidence in the murder of Nicole Simpson and Ron Goldman, bet he would have been convicted.

- Is it a bad sign that my 2-year-old picks up a calculator, pushes buttons for five minutes and announces he's beating the boss: childspeak for winning a video game.

- About summer reruns: Would it kill the producers and casts to work year-round like the rest of us?

- Best case of setting an example I've seen in some time: Navy Cmdr. Donnie Cochran resigned as head of the precision-flying Blue Angels because he felt his piloting skills weren't good enough. How often does a mediocre boss have the courage and clarity to admit he's not worthy of the job?

- Second interesting example: Vanessa Williams, disgraced years ago into giving up her Miss America title after Penthouse found and published nude photos of her, refused to disappear, succeeded as a singer and will soon star opposite Arnold Schwarzenegger in his big new movie, "Eraser." Amazing what you can overcome if you don't stop trying.

- And a final model: Mark Pfetzer, 16, who quit his quest to be the youngest person to climb Everest because of bad weather that ended up killing eight others. Compare him with the sad case of Jessica Dubroff, the 7-year-old who died trying to fly cross-country. In this age of so many trying to be the first, the best and the youngest, it's heartening to see a boy (and family) who consider prudence more important than world records.