More than 3 million children in the United States now live with grandparents or other family members. In about a third of those households, neither parent is present and the grandparent is the primary care-giver, according to the American Association of Retired Persons.

And the numbers are jumping.Social researchers cite a 44 percent increase in the number of grandchildren living in homes maintained by their grandparents since 1980. The reasons are many: death, divorce, unemployment, drug and alcohol abuse, incarceration, teen pregnancy and AIDS.

Many grandparents are financially unprepared to care for their grandchildren. Some have struggled all their lives and now are forced to bear this unexpected burden during retirement.

A recent conference in Santa Clara County, Calif., focusing on child care and elder care featured Harryette Schuell, executive director of Senior Information and Referral Services Inc. in San Jose. She identified these main concerns among grandparents:

- Grandparents are usually not eligible for foster care payments.

- Grandparents don't have "standing" under the law. This means that if a child is placed in juvenile hall, a shelter or foster care, the grandparent would not be notified.

- Grandparents have difficulty paying for medical care for the children because insurance policies often require legal guardianship. And without guardianship or custody, kids can be returned to parents who are still abusing drugs and unable to parent properly.

- Working grandparents need assistance in finding quality, affordable child care. They may be embarrassed, however, that they have taken in their grandchildren, and are reluctant to ask questions or make arrangements with an employer.

- Many grandparents have their own health and financial problems.

But grandparents nationwide are turning grief and heartache into advocacy and action. There is a growing network nationwide of grandparent support groups and information centers. They deal with many issues in finding what help is available, and where, as well as educating grandparents about their rights. Some of the issues and sources include:

Legal: custody, adoption, guardianship, kinship, foster care. Look for help at the local Department of Social Services; Legal Counsel for the Elderly; foster care, adoption or family service agencies; local and state bar association (ask if any lawyers offer pro bono work or reduced fees).

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Financial: Aid for Families With Dependent Children, food stamps, clothing, transportation, housing, adoption assistance. Contact the local or national Social Security office for information on kinship foster care and Supplemental Security Income; religious or charitable groups like Catholic Charities and Jewish Family and Children's Services for food, clothing, transportation and general aid; social services or welfare office for AFDC and food stamps.

Child care: day care, nursery school, baby sitting. Call your local YMCA, Jewish community centers; programs through local school system, such as Headstart; religious or civic volunteer groups or baby-sitting co-ops; Yellow Pages for day-care centers.

Medical care/insurance: private insurance, medical assistance, Medicaid. Call state or local social services department, local Social Security office; community health clinic, local public health office for clinics and immunization programs for children.

Psychological/emotional issues: Contact your local Department of Mental Health or Mental Health Association; local family service agency; school counselor; private therapist; local clergy or religious groups.

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