Facebook Twitter



Speech by House Speaker Newt Gingrich after winning a second term - text and subtext:

Let me say to those who voted for me, from the bottom of my heart, thank you. To those who voted for someone else, I hope that I can work with you.(I look forward to working with you after you find your way to your new assignment on the Catfish Caucus on the Fisheries Oversight Subcommittee, you pathetic bottom-feeders.)

To the freshmen and their families and all the young people who are here today, you are part of a wonderful experience.

(Kids, don't limit yourselves to super-star athletes and Hollywood moguls as role models for greedy, dirtbag behavior. You can learn how to lie and cheat yuor way to the top from your nation's leaders.)

We here in the legislative branch also celebrate a remarkable moment which the entire world watches; a time when an entire nation voluntarily decides how to govern itself and does so in such a manner that there is a sense among the entire country that freedom is secure and that every citizen can participate.

(Polls show that most Americans think I should step down. So it is remarkable that someone who has absolutely no right to be speaker can abuse the system, strongarm his colleagues behind closed doors into whitewashing his sins, thumb his nose at the public and slither back into his job while the entire world watches.)

This is the 105th time we've done this as a country.. . . The first one actually did not occur until April 1, 1789, because while everyone was supposed to show up in March for the brand new congress, they couldn't find a quorum.

(When I throw around these meaningless historical facts and figures, I'm hailed as an intellectual by these dimwits in Washington.)

Today we have extended democracy and freedom to levels that the Founding Fathers could not have imagined.

(And I am Marie of Romania.)

And any citizen anywhere on the planet watching through C-Span and through the networks and seeing this room and its diversity can appreciate the degree to which America opens its doors and its hearts to all people of all backgrounds.

(I personally prefer to surround myself with white guys in blue suits, but a little nonsense about diversity goest a long way. Besides, my media consultants told me to stop using beach volleyball as a metaphor for American democracy.)

Let me say to the entire House that two years ago, when I became the first Republican speaker in 40 years, to the degree I was too brash, too self-confident or too pushy, I apologize.

(I'm not copping to anything. I can't believe these traitorous yo-yos Jim Leach and Linda Smith worrying that I'll take the focus off a positive agenda. What's more important, the GOP or me?)

This ia a great and wonderful system.

(You bet it is. Where else could a man rise to power by attacking the ethics of others, then once he got elected speaker, immediately try to cash in to the tune of $4 million on a questionable book deal, shut down the government in a pique, get caught in the same kind of ethics scandal he onced railed against, admit he misled the ethics committee, then corrupt the ethics committee and bully and beg enough Republicans to still be returned as speaker? God Bless America.)