My name is Sam. I'm a purebred black Labrador. I've been hearing some whining lately about how some of you humans are offended over a few words and phrases. Well, you humans don't have a leg to stand on. If anyone has reason to growl over insulting language, it's us dogs.
You humans are always saying that some poor soul has gone to the dogs when he loses control of his life. And when some degenerate has a wretched existence, you say he is living a dog's life. Hey, a dog's life isn't all that bad, you know. And what about dog face and dogeared? Where do you humans get off using these terms to describe something homely and worn out?I really get offended when I hear someone say it's a dog-eat-dog world. Dogs haven't eaten each other since prehistoric times. Why keep reminding us of our ancestors' embarrassing behavior? And I really don't know why those pilots call it a dogfight when they try to kill each other.
Why are those hot summer days called dog days? We haven't anything to do with the weather. And contrary to what most of you humans believe, you can teach an old dog new tricks. By the way, you're not fooling anyone. We know you eat the food you take home in a doggie bag.
I do rather like it when you say let sleeping dogs lie. Unfortunately, most humans don't, which is very annoying. And why on earth do you say someone is in the doghouse when he is in trouble? But the one that really raises the hair on my back is when you say someone has dog breath. If you had a nose as sensitive as mine, you'd know that not all bad breath comes from dogs - if you know what I mean.
Fortunately, I'm smart enough to know these terms came about through a long evolution of your language. They are not meant to demean or humiliate but are colorful expressions you use without giving them a second thought. And although my ears are much more sensitive than yours, when I hear you say these things, I'll still be your best friend. I just hope some of you humans can quit being so doggone dogged in your doggery behavior and lighten up a little. At least you can speak.