GOT SOMETHING to ask about the Jazz? Mister Know-It-All's back in the studio to answer your questions, but only if you speak loudly and slowly. He's a little hard of hearing after surviving pre-game introductions at the Delta Center last week.
What's the situation tonight?The Western Conference semifinals - also known as the Great Western Whine-Off - could end tonight in Game 5 if the Jazz win. And they will.
Does Los Angeles have any advantages over Utah?
The weather. That's all, unless you prefer to breathe air you can chew.
But doesn't Shaq present a size problem for the Jazz?
Karl Malone said of John Stockton earlier this week: "I expect a ton out of John, and I think he expects a ton out of Karl." That's two tons. Shaq weighs 300 pounds. The Jazz have got him by 3,700 pounds.
I'm going to the game tonight; what do you think will happen?
You'll get stuck in traffic on I-15, arrive 15 minutes late, pay exorbitant parking fees and get to bed just in time to get up for work. But, please, let's talk about the Jazz.
Could the timing ever be better for the Jazz?
No, and thanks for bringing that up. This is the Jazz's Last Chance and Best Chance. The Lakers and Hawks are still growing up, Dennis Rodman still isn't growing up, the Sonics, Rockets and Spurs have had injuries, and the Jazz are playing better than ever. They're not getting older, they're getting . . . no, they're getting older.
Was superfan Jack Nicholson surprised at the outcome of Game 4 when the Mailman scored 42 points to give the Jazz a 3-1 series lead?
Not at all. Five words: The Postman Always Rings Thrice.
Why do the players keep saying these games are going to be a war? They're just games.
Could be because the pre-game introductions in the Delta Center sound like Iwo Jima, only louder. After the rockets' red glare and the bombs bursting in midair, you'll spend the first quarter picking fallout grit from your teeth. It's air they'd appreciate in L.A.
The sports writers keeping writing about how many points the benches have scored. That's pretty amazing for a bunch of chairs, don't you think?
Great, everyone's a comedian.
Shaq scored 34 points in Game 4, but what do you think of his style of play?
Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle described it best when he wrote that Shaq's most creative post move is to impersonate a cop busting down a door with his shoulder.
Who's hot, and who's not?
Karl Malone's hot, John Stockton's not. Shaq's hot, Eddie Jones's not. Jerry Sloan's hot, Del Harris's not. Bryon Russell's hot, Elden Campbell and Kobe Bryant are not. Nick Van Exel's hot, under the collar.
What do you think the Jazz need to do for tonight's game?
Cover the furniture. Van Exel kicked a chair after he was yanked early from Game 4, and he kicked the scorer's table at the end of Game 2. What's next, the ball rack?
Why did Mr. and Mrs. Howell have all their clothes and money with them if it was a three-hour tour?
Jazz questions, pa-lease.
During the first-round playoff series between the Jazz and Clippers, the Jazz were castigated by the L.A. media for whining. Excuse me, but what about the Lakers?
They HAVE turned in an all-star whining performance, but you're expected to step up in the playoffs.
What gives with the Lakers?
The Lakers like to say (constantly) that they just need to execute their offense. By this, they mean give it the electric chair. Based on what we've seen so far, this seems like the best solution.
Are the L.A. fans rude or what, with their profane chanting, pouring beer on Karl Malone and punching Adam Keefe as he left the court?
Utah fans have stepped up, too. During Game 1, a very obnoxious and notorious Jazz fan brought a saxophone to the game. During the final seconds of the third quarter, Van Exel was dribbling toward the basket when a horn sounded. Van Exel took a hurried 18-foot shot that missed - and then another horn sounded. The first one was the saxophone.
After Game 2, the Lakers directed the media to talk to their team captain, but they didn't know who their captain was. Did they ever find one?
After conducting a massive search, those silly Lakers discovered that 25 percent of the team is a captain - Byron Scott, Shaq and Van Exel. It turns out they had a 1 in 4 chance of guessing the identity of their captain.
How did Karl Malone answer his daughter when he called home the other night and told her that he had a bad game and she replied, "What game?"
He said, "You know, the one that paid for the big rig, the new mansion, the Harley, the ranch, the Jeep, the trips to Alaska, the . . . ."
Are the Lakers making plans for the off-season?
Robert Horry wants to take employment as an illusionist. Now you see him, now you don't.