The networks will begin announcing their fall schedules this week, complete with not only a whole slew of new shows but cancellation notices for a whole lot of old shows.
Some will go before their time. Some will go years after they ran out of new ideas. And others will go at exactly the right time.But then there will be those shows that deserve to get the ax - shows that practically beg for cancellation - that will be with us for another season. Or more.
Every year, campaigns spring up to save some shows from cancellation. And some of those are worthwhile efforts.
But surely it's just as worthwhile to campaign for bad shows to die. So, in that spirit, here are a few shows that deserve to go off the air.
- "America's Funniest Home Videos" - Well, the show could possibly stay. But the talentless Bob Saget simply must go.
- "Beverly Hills, 90210" - It's not just that this show is redundant and boring, it's also pompous and consistently self-congratulatory - a deadly combination.
- "Boston Common" - Although star Anthony Clark is very likable, this show ran out of ideas after half a dozen episodes.
- "Caroline in the City" - I'm too bored with this show to even come up with a nasty comment.
- "Clueless" - Has there ever been a more appropriately named TV show?
- "Cybill" - Somewhere along the line, somebody decided that crude was interchangeable with funny. It isn't.
- "Dateline" - Well, we don't have to cancel it altogether. But three times a week is one, maybe two times too many to be forced to look at Stone Phillips.
- "Family Matters" - Urkel must die.
- "Grace Under Fire" - Why, exactly, is anyone still watching this show? Certainly not because of Brett Butler's charm.
- "Hangin' with Mr. Cooper" - Oh, hang up already.
- "High Incident" - Proving, once again, that Steven Spielberg may be big at the box office but not on the small screen.
- "The Jeff Foxworthy Show" - This show wasn't good on ABC. Now it's worse on NBC.
- "Living Single" - What can I say about a show that started out bad and has gotten worse.
- "Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman" - This used to be a show that families could watch together. Now it's a show that bores parents and kids alike.
- "Melrose Place" - Trash without fun is a waste of time. And this show stopped being fun years ago.
- "Men Behaving Badly" - Bad behavior deserves punishment - like exile from the airwaves.
- "Millennium" - What, exactly, is the entertainment value in serial killers?
- "The Naked Truth" - See "The Jeff Foxworthy Show."
- "Nash Bridges" - This show wasn't all that good the first time around, when it was called "Miami Vice." It's worse now.
- "New York Undercover" - Apparently, they're planning to kill off one (or more) of the characters in the season finale. How about killing off all of them?
- "Orleans" - Even fans of Larry Hagman couldn't help but be put to sleep by this show.
- "Pearl" - This show started off great, then stumbled and never recovered.
- "Profiler" - See "Millennium."
- "Seinfeld" - They've been recycling scripts here for the past couple of seasons. Either get some new ideas or give it up.
- "Sliders" - There's nothing worse than a good show gone bad. And this show has completely changed into something unwatchable.
- "Something So Right" - It's shows like this that make me long for the good ol' days of "The Brady Bunch." That was fairly brainless, too, but at least it wasn't offensive. (And who decided that Mel Harris can do comedy?)
- "Step by Step" - Don't you hate shows in which the kids are dumb and the parents are dumber?
- "Suddenly Susan" - OK, this show can stick around - but only if Brooke Shields is replaced by someone who can actually act.
- "3rd Rock from the Sun" - It's too childish for adults and too risque for children.
- "Walker, Texas Ranger" - What, exactly, is the entertainment value in watching a well-past-middle-age Chuck Norris kick people every week?
- "The X-Files" - It's already too late for this show to go out at the peak of its creative excellence. Perhaps it should go out before it degenerates any further into mindless bloodletting.
- In the interest of time, everything on UPN deserves cancellation except for "Star Trek: Voyager."
- In the interest of time, everything on the WB deserves cancellation except for "7th Heaven," "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" and (maybe) "Savannah."
SPRINGER STRIKES OUT: We knew that Jerry Springer was a sleaze. Now we know that he's also a liar.
The good news is that Springer - the host of TV's most tawdry talk show - has quit as a commentator on the NBC-owned station in Chicago less than a week after his first commentary.
In his first commentary, Springer attacked the anchorwoman who quit because of his hiring. And he told a self-serving tale of how, as mayor of Cincinnati, he had approved a parade permit for a group of neo-Nazis despite the fact that he lost members of his family to the Holocaust.
Well, as it turns out, the mayor of Cincinnati doesn't have the power to approve parade permits.
Springer responded by calling that a "technicality."
Most of us call it "lying."
In addition to that latest controversy, the station has been deluged with protests, and its news ratings have plummeted.
So Springer quit, decrying the "personal attacks" he has endured.
It's difficult - no, impossible - to feel sorry for the guy. After what he's inflicted on viewers in that sleazy talk show of his, he deserves all the trouble he's gotten over this.
ARLEDGE VS. GUMBEL: It's hard to believe, but somebody has actually made Bryant Gumbel into the good guy.
ABC News Chairman Roone Arledge, in an interview published in Vanity Fair, attacked all of his competitors in general and Gumbel in particular. "We have many superstars," Arledge insisted of his on-the-air news team, adding that NBC and CBS do not.
As for Gumbel, Arledge - whose news division pursued the former "Today Show" host - now says he didn't really want him.
"I mean I read where we `lost' Bryant Guymbel," Arledge said. "We didn't `lose' Bryant Gumbel; NBC lost Bryant Gumbel. We made a (weak) attempt, but we had no place to put him."
Gumbel, who possesses one of the bigger egos in a business full of enormous egos, took the high road. "While I think it's unfortunate that sour grapes compelled Roone to take a personal shot, I still respect him a great deal and wish him well."
It takes some doing, but Arledge has actually demonstrated even more egomania than Gumbel.
SELF-INDICTMENT: Arledge's comments in Vanity Fair are interesting for another reason. He's apparently oblivious to the fact that his insistence that ABC News "has many superstars" serves as a self-indictment.
Some of us still foolishly believe that news ought to be about what's reported, not the "superstars" who report it.