It's not surprising that young pro golfer Tiger Woods was on the cover of Sports Illustrated. But he also made the covers of Business Week and Fortune. In full color, complete with a Nike sweatshop swoosh on his shirt, Woods, who has CEO earnings potential sans stock options, appeared as an icon for the Bibles of business. Woods is an industry himself now, not to mention what he'll do for golf instructors, driving ranges, and the manufacturers of bad-taste pants everywhere.
I'm happy for Woods' success. His smile is engaging and the uniqueness of his talent unassailable. But, his success and the fawning by businesses seeking endorsements does make life miserable for parents.Children have better odds for a Powerball take than they have of becoming the next Michael Jordan. Yet, they'll take the odds and go for their place on a box of Wheaties. Even at the youngest of ages, children see not just the money, they see the chance to prove conventional wisdom wrong. Dennis Rodman is proof positive for children that conduct once associated with missing a lithium dose can earn you millions.
It's tough to teach values to children with big-time sports around.
Clarence Thomas was nearly drummed into oblivion for what, if true, amounted to no more than off-the-cuff sexual remarks. People still pay to see Mike Tyson, a convicted rapist, do time in the ring. Robert Packwood was banished by Washington for stolen kisses, and Wilt Chamberlain enjoys book sales galore for confessing anonymous trysts in the hundreds. Even Regis nearly sacked Kathie Lee because her Wal-Mart clothing line was made in sweatshops in Central America. But Air Jordan's Vietnamese factories, filled with physical abuse, 70-hour weeks, and wage violations are excused because the diamond-earringed one has better calf muscles than Gifford (or Regis).
Sports figures are the answer to children's prayers for immunity from punishment. Sports figures not only contradict everything parents teach, they just do it with the type of knowing smirk that makes mothers talk to themselves. Sports figures are powerful buddies for children in their eternal battle against adults and their arbitrary mandates.
Parent: You need an education.
Child: No you don't. Tiger Woods is a college dropout.
Parent: You shouldn't take drugs.
Child: Michael Irvin did and he's just fine.
Parent: You shouldn't fight.
Child: Dennis Rodman kicks photographers in front of witnesses.
Parent: Your integrity and reputation are important for success.
Child: ASU quarterback Jake Plummer was picked by the Cardinals in the second round of the NFL draft with a criminal investigation pending and nobody said a word until it was over.
But beyond the worries about the behavioral inspirations and derelictions of athletes are the signals the money-crazed world of professional sports sends. A recent survey of Olympic-level athletes revealed that more than half of them would take a drug that assured them both victory and death within five years.
Parent: If you take those, you'll be dead in five years.
Child: Yes, but I'll be rich.
Having served as the faculty athletic representative for Arizona State University, I witnessed the privileges extended to college athletes. Tutors, one-on-one advisement, study sessions and full-ride scholarships for students who, for the most part, had absolutely no business being in a university. Some already had their felony convictions under their belts.
They would spend five years in the university with us using them and them using us. With a few rare exceptions, they returned to the dismal lives they had before worse for wear and certainly worse in character because of the absolute immunity from the rules they had enjoyed courtesy of academicians and coaches equally enthralled by a Rose Bowl appearance or a March madness triumph. I left that position of policing academics and athletics. Aristotle had it right. There are some jobs in which virtue is impossible.
Trying to inject virtue into sports is like trying to persuade people to use cloth diapers. It may be a good idea, but it's work and disposables are easy. Honor and sports are like oil and water. Outrage over athletes' conduct is gone. Shunning is postponed until after the playoffs. The investigation of Plummer's alleged fondling of three women was stalled conveniently for a month; the story broke five days after the draft. If they'd known before, the Dallas Cowboys would have been bidding mercilessly for the Plummer talent and fit.
The women who called the police want to establish that virtue does have its value. I'd bet Plummer has shown them the money. Athletic immunity continues its winning streak.
For children, sports are a magnet. And it is not just the lure of money. It's the lure of being above the law and beyond the rules. If you're a parent and are worried about a wayward child, enroll them in sports activities early and often. With enough talent, the misdemeanors and felonies will roll off them like scales from a lizard.
Parent: It's getting away with murder that intrigues you about sports.
Child: Right. O.J. Simpson.