I've been driving a genuine "sports car" this past week, a 1997 BMW Z3 2.8.
But before we discuss the Z3 specifically, I'd like to put my five-part definition of what constitutes a sports car on the record. Then you can send me letters and e-mail explaining why I'm badly misinformed.1. A sports car has only two seats; even a vestigial "2+2" back seat means automatic disqualification.
2. A sports car must be a "roadster," that is, a convertible. If the top don't drop it ain't a sports car. And the top must operate manually; no push buttons and motors allowed.
3. It must handle better than, say, a Honda Civic, which actually handles quite nicely for an econo-car.
4. It can't have more than six cylinders churning away under the hood. Any more than that and its an "exotic," or at least a "GT" (for Grand Touring.)
5. It must be small enough that carrying anything besides oneself and one's significant other is a major hassle. (The Z3 can carry one golf bag in the trunk provided you first remove the woods from the bag and bend them a bit to force them in.)
So there it is, Knudson's definition of a sports car. Hard-top Porsche owners will no doubt want my head on their (power) radio antennae. Corvette aficionados are likely preparing a lynch mob as we speak.
There was a time when my criteria for sports cardom was stricter. Wind-up windows rather than side curtains were once sufficient cause for disqualification. So was an electrical system that actually worked and a top that kept the occupants dry when it rained.
In other words, if it wasn't named MG, Austin-Healey, Triumph or Morgan and wasn't made in the United Kingdom by Englishmen wielding spanners instead of wrenches, it wasn't a sports car.
But Brittania no longer rules the sports car waves, and the BMW Z3 doesn't just have wind-up windows - it has one-touch power windows. Moreover, the top is impervious to even torrential rains (as I had several opportunities to learn during Salt Lake City's recent monsoon season) and the electrical system, along with every other system, performed flawlessly.
It just occurred to me that, by my definition, there are only three sports cars that can be bought new by people who live by their toil and not their trust fund: the Z3, the Mazda Miata and the Porsche Boxster, although only the Miata is priced south of $30,000. The new Mercedes-Benz SLK qualifies in every way except for its ultra-trick power top.
But enough about sports cars in general, let's talk about the BMW Z3 sports car in particular. Those of you who follow such things know that the Z3 is made in BMW's new plant in Spartanburg, S.C., and debuted last year in a blaze of media glory spurred by the car's brief role as James Bond's ride of choice in "GoldenEye."
But the motoring press was less enthusiastic. Too slow, the buff books said. The sub-$30,000 price was nice and the car looked great, but its puny 1.9 liter, 138-horsepower, four-cylinder engine put the Z3 in the all-show-and-no-go category. It took over eight seconds for the four-banger Z to get to 60 mph.
Didn't matter, though, as some 15,000 buyers voted "Aye!" for the Z3 via the only ballot that matters: their checkbooks.
But BMW took the hint and for '97 a 2.8 liter, in-line six cylinder engine - the same one found in the 328i and the five-series models - is available along with the smaller power plant.
This six-cylinder motor churns out 189 horsepower and propels the Z3 to 60 mph in slightly more than six seconds and to a top speed of 128 mph, a very large increase and one that turns the car from merely a looker into a performer.
And if that doesn't quench your thirst for power, a 240 horsepower version is reportedly due out next spring with the M3 engine on board. What a stormer that will be.
But the 2.8 should be sufficient for most of us - it sure is for me. Driving the car is nothing short of joy-ous. It handles so beautifully and is so forgiving that it seems almost impossible to get in trouble. The brakes are fabulous and the five-speed manual shifter snicks from gear to gear with the precision of a . . . well, a BMW. To paraphrase Carly Simon, nobody does it better than the Bimmer Boys from Munich - even when they do it in South Carolina.
And there's no big fuel premium to pay. The Z3 is rated at 19 miles per gallon in the city and 27 on the highway - pretty amazing mileage for a hot rod.
Other upgrades found in the 2.8 version include a stronger manual transmission, traction control and a limited slip differential, a widened rear track and strengthened rear suspension, heavier duty brakes and a new set of optional wheels.
The wider rear track gives the Z3 a more muscular look and a new bumper, and ground effects package up front also beefs up the impression that this is a serious sports car.
Did I mention that the Z3 also works well for plain old showing off? If your ego needs a boost, this is the car to do the boosting. Everyone stops what they're doing to watch the Z-car go by. Adolescent boys call out such quaint phrases as, "Rad car, dude!"
Gazing at the gorgeous silver paint, the bulging hood and the red leather interior - even the steering wheel was clad in red leather - I had to agree with the kid. To paraphrase Dustin Hoffman, why couldn't I have had a week with the Z3 when I was 17 and really need-ed it.
Glory such as this does not come cheap, of course. The test car had a base price of $35,900. The red leath-er added another $1,200, the metallic paint another $475 (worth every dollar) and $570 in destination charges brought the bottom line to $38,145.
By way of comparison, that's about what you would pay for a loaded Chevy Suburban, a big boxcar of a vehicle that is highly practical, will carry nine people and all their stuff and plow through the snow with equanimity.
But the 'Burban won't make you grin as you carve a turn up East Canyon, and no one will stop and watch as you roar by, the wind in your hair and a smile on your face. And no kid will holler "Rad car, dude!"
Intriguing choice, isn't it? That's what makes life so interesting.