If you had to sum up in one word the Christmas season, it would be PANIC. Once the Thanksgiving dishes are washed, the whole country goes into panic.
Merchants are the first to panic. The department stores begin to run ads of 50 percent off, plus 10 percent down, plus 10 percent reduction if you bring in this ad, which will entitle you to a 30 percent rebate.Everybody is offering a bargain. "We will take your mother-in-law as a trade-in for a new Chevy." "Any sofa in the store is free if you buy an ashtray."
After stores, you will find most women are the next ones having panic attacks at Christmas. Women, not men, have to decide how much is enough when it comes to buying presents. The answer is that there is never too much, and that is where the panic sets in. In most cases it is the women who plan the meals, not just for Christmas Day, which is a snap, but also for three days before and three days after the holiday.
If the children are of high school or college age, we're talking about a food bill of $2,300.
Besides the decisions about the size of the tree, the most important question to be answered is who to invite for the holiday. The choices are your parents or his parents. No matter how you do it, someone's nose will be out of joint forever.
To make sure that women have no time to rest, Christmas provides them an opportunity to drive their children to the school Christmas play, the church sing-along and to Wal-Mart for a tree-lighting ceremony.
The panic of men is caused by the panic of their women. To help out, the father volunteers to shop for toys. Since he hasn't been in a store all year, he is horrified to discover electronic games made in Japan have been marked down to $2,500, firetrucks are now selling for $550 and Monopoly sets for $200 -- but Boardwalk and Park Place are not included.
Money is not the only reason for men to panic. Buying a present for their loved one also presents problems.
If he purchases a fur coat for his wife, that means he will have to take it out of the kids' tuition. If he goes for a piece of expensive jewelry, he won't be able to buy the brand-new set of golf clubs he's had his eye on for some time.
The last ones to panic at the Christmas season are the children. There is so much for them on television and so little time for them to get what they see. This season, kids are naughty or nice. It comes as a shock to the nice ones to discover the ones who were naughty get the same number of presents as they do.
Enjoy your panic while you can. It's later than you think.
Los Angeles Times Syndicate