The mail is a wonderful thing. Well, most of the time. That "New Yankee Workshop" press kit - the one filled with sawdust - was most annoying.
And the mail - including e-mail and phone mail - provides some wonderful feedback. Like this missive from a writer who thought so highly of his/her own opinion that he/she failed to include his/her name:To Scott Pierce, self-appointed TV critic . . .
You ugly, pointy-headed, opinionated, unprofessional, fat, obnoxious creep!
Hey! I was not self-appointed. I had to apply for this job.
Just in case you're wondering, not all my mail is mean, nasty and/or critical. I get some very nice letters and calls from a good number of people.
(Sort of like some of my television reviews are mean, nasty and/
or critical, and others are nice and complimentary.)
But in the interest of your amusement and enlightenment (as well as my own), let's take a look at the darker side of the mail.
Our friend who began the above letter in such a friendly fashion was apparently incensed by my crit-icism of Kathie Lee Gifford. It was a little hard to tell exactly what the point of the letter was - although it was quite obvious that the writer doesn't much care for me.
I strongly object to the fact that you are a NAME-CALLING, BACK-STABBING, REPUTATION-DESTROYING idiot, churning out viscious (sic) put-downs and innuendos that have no basis in fact and influence others about people you don't even know . . . EXCEPT FOR YOUR CRUMMY OPINION!
Oh, goodness. This person has figured out that the job of a television critic is to express his opinion!
Our kind letter-writer went on to inquire, "Have you ever MET Kathie Lee, Joan Lunden or Barbara Walters? Or do you just have a problem with beautiful women?"
Well, actually, the answer to the first question is - yes, I've met them. Each on more than one occasion. And, no, I don't have a problem with beautiful women, although beauty does remain in the eye of the beholder.
One rather odd aspect of being a newspaper columnist is that what people think you wrote and what you actually did write are often two very different things. Our kind letter writer also took me to task for the time that I criticized Donny Osmond for his appearances on "The Rosie O'Donnell Show," asserting that I "spent a whole column calling (him) every name in the book."
Just for fun, I did a computer search on every story I've written that even mentioned Osmond's name in the past five years. The harshest thing I wrote was when I chided Osmond for making an "obnoxious and uncalled-for crack about O'Donnell's weight" and called him "rude" and "whiny."
Compare this to our kind letter writer, who says that I "whipped him with put-down (sic) that were FAR WORSE than what HE said to Rosie! The IRONY!"
I couldn't agree more. Particularly in light of some of our kind letter writer's other comments.
Judging from your ugly mug . . . I can see why you identify with Rosie O'Donnell! Your are BOTH fat, ugly and untalented flash in the pans (sic) . . . and you should hang out with Rosie in Kmart, which is the only place I've ever seen her where she looked like she belonged.
I hope, gentle readers, that you will forgive me if I don't try to pattern my writing style on this example of grace and kindness.
Actually, the reaction to the Kathie Lee column was split right down the middle. The phone mail included comments like this one:
I know a lot of people who like Kathie Lee. I didn't appreciate your comments one bit!
But for every call like that, there was one like this:
You were right on with what you wrote about Kathie Lee. Keep after her and maybe we can get rid of her once and for all. Nobody I know watches her anymore.
And, lest I ever become too full of myself, there are letters like this to deflate my ego:
Keep Kathie Lee! Get rid of Walter Goodman!
Ouch. That hurts.
Walter Goodman, of course, is a New York Times News Service writer whose columns I sometimes use on our TV pages. And the writer obviously confused me with him.
It's one thing when people write in wanting to get rid of me. It's quite another when they don't even know who I am and they want to get rid of me.
Then there was this kind e-mail from a fellow in Salt Lake City:
Why in the world is your alleged TV critic reviewing a show ("Saturday Night Live") that hasn't been carried in Salt Lake City for years? It's only unwatchable because we can't see it here! In simpler terms: DUH! What's next? Alabama weather forecasts?
Let's see, why would I write about "Saturday Night Live"? Could it be because:
A. That particular show was hosted by Roma Downey, who stars in the locally produced "Touched by an Angel."
B. It was an opportunity to evaluate KSL-Ch. 5's decision not to carry the show.
C. Some local residents (with satellite dishes) can watch "SNL."
D. All of the above.
And the answer is . . . DUH!
For those of you wondering, the weather in Alabama is expected to be warm and muggy.