Question: I have heard you mention repentance many times on your radio program, especially when people are trying to decide whether to forgive someone else or themselves. You have talked about the four R's required for repentance. I'm always driving in the car when you are doing that part and can never stop to write it down. Could you do this here, please?
- Los Angeles, Calif.
Dr. Laura: I do talk to many callers who are confused on this issue of forgiveness. Some imagine that they have to forgive and forget and just move forward with somebody who has done something bad or wrong to them or someone else, in spite of the fact that the wrongdoer has never owned up or apologized. Check the Scriptures and you'll see that repentance is a constant requirement from the prophets and from God.
The qualities of repentance, getting back on track, are the four R's.
The first is responsibility: We must recognize that we have done wrong.
The second is regret: We must have true remorse for doing wrong and for the pain and problems we've caused.
The third is resolve: We must be committed never to repeat the act regardless of the temptations or situation.
The fourth and probably the most difficult is to repair the damage we've done, or at least do what we can to apologize directly to the injured party.
When someone goes through these four R's with sincerity, I believe you have the obligation to forgive even if the trust is not yet re-established. And, as to that trust, there is an old Arabic saying: "Forgive, but tie up your camel."
Question: I know you think addictions are unhealthy. Would you consider drinking coffee a few times a day for the purpose of staying awake an unhealthy addiction?
- Long Beach, Calif.
Dr. Laura: Yes. Having to jump-start yourself with caffeine on a regular basis certainly suggests that you're not getting proper nutrition, exercise or sleep. It might also indicate a lack of emotional or psychological well-being, such that your motivation and interest in life or your work is diminished. Please consider these issues and make more healthy decisions to function through a day.
Question: I've noticed that the term "hypocrite" is being thrown about a lot in current (and what should be objective) journalism. It would seem that it is the favorite personal attack against just about anybody in the public eye. What is that all about, and what is actually meant by the term?
- Denver, Colo.
Dr. Laura: It has been said that name-calling is the last resort of those who have no good argument for their position. I agree, having been called a lot of names myself by persons who could not otherwise defend their conclusions.
A listener recently faxed something that helps clarify the meaning of hypocrisy: " `Do what I say, but not what I do' are the words of a hypocrite. `Don't do what I did, but do what I do,' are the words of a teacher."
Name-calling appears in politics at all levels as part of the competition. It also appears in tabloid-type journalism, because the point is not information, the point is to create controversy, get attention and sell, sell, sell.
But in our daily lives, too often people try to discredit another person's position by discrediting the person instead, usually by attempting to demonstrate some inconsistency or imperfection - as though only those who have attained sainthood could have a position on morals, values and ethics.
Developing human beings can and do get off track because of personal weaknesses or from a lack of values that raise them above impulses. As we evolve spiritually, our choices, actions and reactions become based more on goodness than selfishness. This personal evolution should not be punished, it should be respected and emulated.