The Rev. F. Wesley Clem tries to teach children about a loving, nurturing Heavenly Father.
How well they will relate to that lesson, says the pastor of Berean Baptist Church, depends a lot on what kind of earthly father they have."It affects their spiritual perspective because they find it difficult to identify with a God who is to us a father when they don't have a father who is interested and involved," he says.
That's not the only impact a father has on children. Or, in many cases, doesn't have.
As he ministers to families, the Rev. Dave Bittmenn of St. Ambrose Catholic Church sees families where fathers and children are both busy - often going in different directions. With a dad's career demands and the choices and temptations facing children, "Nurturing and a commitment of time . . . seem more important now than in the past for fathers. It's better if fathers are involved."
Those who aren't, he said, "lose an opportunity to guide or impact the lives of their children, so others fill in that gap. If the others are good influences, the children can be in good shape. But. . . . "
Children who don't have the strong father figure, involved and loving, also don't have much self-esteem. Social scientists say they have anger issues, trouble getting close to others and very little faith in the future.
Pollsters have geared up for tomorrow's Father's Day celebration by asking a variety of questions about fathers. And it's a topic that has been on the minds of clergy of all faiths, social scientists and others for some time.
Promise Keepers held a huge father's rally in Washington, D.C., last fall, encouraging fathers to pledge to do their jobs - and then keep that promise. A number of churches, including The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, the Southern Baptists and the Catholics have called upon fathers to take their place as head of the family and shoulder their God-given responsibilities better.
"By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families," says a proclamation on the family issued in 1995 by the First Presidency and Council of the Twelve Apostles of the LDS Church. "Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners."
It's not just a challenge for the spiritual realm.
In 1996, the Gallup organization did a poll on fathering that found four out of five respondents believe "the most significant family or social problem facing America is the physical absence of the father from the home." That was 10 percent more than felt that way just four years before. A whopping nine of 10 felt that children should live at home with both their mother and their father.
Reality doesn't always reflect a society's wishes, though. Asked whether "most fathers know what is going on in their children's lives," 54 percent of those questioned said no.
The same number claim to have unresolved problems with their fathers.
No one seems to dispute the importance of fathers in a family. They're crucial. Yet to hear the media tell it, dads are "deadbeats" who have either fathered children out of wedlock, walked away from responsibility or given up and emotionally withdrawn.
It sounds like dad's just plain not home - something disputed by U.S. Census data released in 1994. Of the total fathers with their own children under 18, 71 percent are married and live in the home. Four percent are single dads with custody and 25 percent are noncustodial dads.
Numerically, more dads are home. And that's true emotionally, too, says the Rev. Bittmenn. "I see a lot of fathers who are really trying to make more of an effort to be involved."
He believes St. Joseph is a wonderful model of fathering: His job was to instruct the child and to demonstrate the meaning of what could just be words. Together with a mother, a good father "makes sure that the child knows things like prayers, spiritual realities and makes time for those kinds of things in a child's life."
The payoff for that kind of involvement is priceless, Bittmenn said. "It's part of the marriage covenant . . . that fathers and mothers care for each other and for children. When you do that, you open up and are more related and connected with another person. It makes life fuller, richer, deeper."
The awakening to fatherhood isn't just Bittmenn's or Clem's dream, either. The annual Lifestyle Survey confirmed that awakening sense of involvement. For example, 27 percent of dads were present at their children's births in 1974; this year, more than 90 percent were there. And almost half of the dads working at two federal agencies that offered flextime chose to come to work earlier so they could leave earlier to spend time with their families.
Fortune magazine said in 1987 that one-third of fathers turned down a promotion or transfer that would reduce the time they spend with their families. Four years later, 75 percent of men said they would trade rapid career advancement for the chance to spend more time with their families.
But just being there isn't enough, unless the attention and emotional engagement are there, too. And in two-parent households, studies show that fewer than 25 percent of young children get at least an hour of "relatively individualized contact" with their fathers. In most cases, the one-on-one contact with dad is a half hour or less. And one-fifth of sixth- to 12th-grade students have not had a good conversation lasting at least 10 minutes with either parent for more than a month.
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ADDITIONAL INFORMATION
Father care
3,385,000 dads are involved in primary child care while mom works
Year Pre-schoolers in father's care
1977 14%
1986 15%
1990 17%
1991 20%
NOTE - While 13,880,00 couples with children under 18 both work for pay, only 5,014,000 both work full-time day-shift jobs.
SOURCE: National Center for Fathering