In "Life With Father," writer Clarence Day remembered his imperiously funny dad's demand for chilled drinks - and how difficult it could be to get ice in a predictable fashion when vacationing in the lackadaisical countryside at the turn of the century.
One evening the senior Day arrived at the family's summer home, not far from bustling New York City, to find the iceman had not come. Furious, he stormed into town in search of a cake of ice and, for good measure, a new icebox. After stirring several tradesmen into action, he got more ice than he needed - a spare slab ended up in the washtub - and was therefore at peace."Clarence," he told his son in satisfied relaxation, "King Solomon had the right idea about these things. `Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do,' Solomon said, `do thy damnedest.' "
Not that Solomon would have phrased it quite that way.
Advice.
By word or by action, for good or for a laugh, fathers have ever been a fount of the stuff.
"Hear, ye children, the instruction of a father, and attend to know understanding," counsels the Old Testament's Jeremiah.
"To thine ownself be true," the long-winded Polonius intones (among countless other things) in Shakespeare's "Hamlet."
Recently we placed a little notice in the Deseret News and on the Web asking readers to think back, to recall some of the gems, the best advice their fathers served up during those crucial formative years. We received scores of replies, by snail-mail and by e-mail, from people of all ages.
The variety was amazing.
A sense of humor, dads often suggest, can be a lifesaver.
"One of the best things my dad taught me was to not take myself so seriously. This helped me look more to others and not be self-absorbed," Lilly Ann Cotterell wrote of her father, Clark Spendlove. "I love him for it."
Many offered laugh-out-loud examples.
Steve McMaster of North Logan said his grandpa's advice for a long, happy life - passed to his dad and then to him - was pretty basic:
"Whatever you do, don't forget to breathe."
Carolyn Clyde Mollinet says her mom had an "extensive list of cautions and warnings." Her dad, attorney Edward W. Clyde, however, simplified things considerably. He said, "Don't put any beans up your nose." "It wasn't original," Mollinet admitted, "but it put all other warnings in perspective."
Fathers, in the natural course of things, went before us. They've been there. They've seen it, done it, suffered sometimes, survived and come away with words of wisdom for their children.
Use caution, dads say.
"I'm sure nearly everyone who had a father like mine who survived the Great Depression has heard this adage," said Jay G. Burrup of West Valley City, "but I'll pass it on anyway: `It doesn't cost any more to run off the top of your (car's) gas tank than it does the bottom!' I only had to run out of gas once to appreciate Dad's wisdom."
Nadine B. Turner of Heber confesses that she doesn't always pay attention when cooking. "The best advice my dad ever gave me (seriously) is to be sure to turn the handles of my saucepans and such in towards the center of the stove."
Get to it, dads say.
Rep. Robert H.M. Killpack, R-Murray, admits that when he was growing up he would occasionally try to ignore distasteful tasks and challenges. His father, Dr. McLloyd Killpack, a veterinarian, sparked him into action, saying, "If you have a job to do or a problem to solve, always remember that the job or problem will not get any easier to do or solve five minutes from now, an hour from now, a day, two days, a week, or longer. So, start working on it right now! The sooner you get started, the sooner you will finish."
Or, as Centerville teen Jessica Sunday's father has been known to say: "You can do whatever you want if you put your mind to it. It's all a matter of attitude!"
When times are tough, dads counsel, pick yourself up and move on.
In 1945, shortly after her husband was killed in World War II, the father of Winifred Smith Bondurant, West Jordan, said a few words to her that she's never forgotten: "You will be OK when you realize the world doesn't owe you a living," he advised. "You owe IT a living."
Set goals, dads say.
"In the summer of 1951, while working for my father building houses," recalls Will Pearson of West Jordan, "we were digging a cesspool and its drainage ditches on a hot, rocky hillside. When I complained about the hard work, he said, `College graduates don't have to dig ditches.' That advice instantly `clicked' in my mind, and by fall I had enrolled at the university."
And, they insist, obey the letter of the law:
When she was 17 and not 84, recalls Grace Madsen Pratt, her father decided it was time for her to learn how to drive. She took the wheel as instructed and was doing pretty well . . . until they came to the new concrete highway where the road leaves Brigham City. The approach included an embankment - and a stop sign. She was afraid of killing the engine or, worse, wrecking the car.
"As we drew near," she wrote, "I looked both directions" and all was clear. "So I said, `Dad. I can see both ways - to Corinne and to Harper. There are no cars on the highway at all, so I will stop down on this side of the highway to shift gears and then drive slowly up onto the highway.' "
"Dad said four words that became a watchword forever: `The sign says STOP!' I protested, `But Dad, there's no traffic at all.' He just repeated it: `The sign says STOP!' " She obeyed. The motor died. They started it up again. But "in that whole little event my dad taught me that we have no choice about which laws we will obey - civil laws or God's laws."
Clarence Granlund, an 80-year-old from Salt Lake City, remembered a raft of lines from his dad concerning health, honesty and self reliance, including "Do not smoke because a cigarette is a fire on one end and a fool on the other," "Do a day's work for a day's pay" and the diplomatic "When you and your wife go to parties and dances, dance only with your own wife and you won't get into trouble."
In fact, Mr. Day's King Solomon is reputed to have been a great one for such proverbs and metaphors. Yet he had nothing over the practical patriarchs of the 20th century.
- "Buy ladders, extension cords and garden hoses longer than you think you'll need," said the dad of Salt Lake's Greg Boswell. (He also said, "Accept a breath mint if someone offers you one.")
- "If your outgo exceeds your income, your upkeep will be your downfall," warned John B. Matheson Jr., father of Park City's Briant D. Matheson.
- "Neither man nor fool can work without the proper tools," said Reid L. Boggess' father, Elmo, a teacher and gardener.
- "Work smarter, not harder. Keep on keeping on," Cory Carl-ston's dad, Michael, has said. Cory's sister, Carrie Carlston Finlinson, recalls another: "Do your best - remember you are only competing with yourself."
- On a related note is that foundation of most fatherly advice, recalled by Mike Furness of Taylorsville: "Anything worth doing is worth doing well."
Often fathers have developed philosophies to live by, and try their best to pass their thoughts along to their offspring.
Mavis H. Steadman, Taylorsville, remembers a time of discouragement when her dad, J. Harry Hickman, gave her a note - a creed - that she stuck to her mirror and read aloud every morning: "I will forget failures of the past. Yesterday is gone forever, and tomorrow may never come. I have unlimited potential for today and will use it, today."
His father, said Steve McMaster of North Logan, died last year after battling cancer. But he did not let the disease discourage him, and told his son: "Our most valuable assets in life are intangible feelings. These are communications of the spirit, derived from all the little earthly transactions with each other, seasoned by time and reflection, and permanently engraved somewhere in the substance of our souls."
Other dads keep a lookout for joy.
"Some people say, `Stop to pick the daisies,' " wrote Mary Ann Snowball of Cottonwood. Her father, Ralph C. Walgren, though, always said, "Look for the bugs under the rocks" or "Buy balloons." "The meaning is the same," she said - "don't let life pass you by."
Not every response to our request was practical.
Not every reply was even printable.
But two - from Marjorie Walsh of Salt Lake City and Mickelle Costantino of Fruit Heights - were startlingly alike, as well as undeniably sage. In fact, the best advice their fathers ever gave them has probably been uttered more than any other throughout history.
They said: "Ask your mother."