Question - Can you help out with a big problem we're having with a big kid who should know better? Our son, the recent grad, is living with us supposedly until he can save enough money to get a place of his own. When he moved in, he agreed to do certain chores to help pull his weight, but he always seems to be "forgetting" our agreement.
Answer - Deadweights are never too heavy to get the old heave-ho, even if they are family members.
You started off on the right foot by setting some conditions before your son came home, but you tripped up by not following through. And if you haven't, why should he?
The best solution Dr. T has ever encountered to this common problem comes from a mom in a situation similar to yours, who drew up a written contract of rights and responsibilities to be signed by her and her son. A few of the pertinent provisions:
1. Jim will live in his old room beginning Feb. 1. He will have saved enough money to move out by Nov. 1.
2. He will pay $100 a month for his room and $100 a month for food, beginning with his second monthly paycheck.
3. He will be responsible for purchasing and caring for his own clothing, doing his own laundry and sheets and towels, and purchasing items for his personal use.
4. He will pay for his long-distance calls.
5. He agrees to wash the car every Saturday.
6. He will alternate cooking and grocery shopping with Mom.
The only thing wrong with this contract is that Mom didn't think of it before Jim moved in. Put your terms in writing, up front (and maybe the kids will think twice about moving back in).
Dear readers - Dr. T would like to balance the image of freeloading children with the results of a new survey of teenagers by Merrill Lynch. Of the 12- to 17-year-olds questioned, 60 percent said they save half of the money they receive, and 28 percent save most of it, usually to pay for college, a car or some other specific item.
On the down side, 84 percent get their money as handouts from parents when they need it, compared with only 41 percent who get an allowance and 22 percent who have a full- or part-time job. That's a little haphazard for Dr. T's taste.