WORKING PARENTS, HAPPY KIDS: STRATEGIES FOR STAYING CONNECTED; by Pati Crofut and Joanna Knapp; Turnagain Press, 1999, $15.Each year, I take my oldest child on a vacation where it's just the two of us. When he was younger, I'd do this to reconnect with him, since he has always been a "daddy's boy." Then, after his little sister came along, it became even more important for us to find some quiet time to share.

We've done the Orlando theme parks and a week at the beach with friends. We've flown to West Virginia to visit family, and stayed in a hotel in New York City.

This year, we're going west. My best friend has moved to Monterey, Calif., with its piers and seals and lighthouses, and my mother-in-law is just up the coast on an island near Seattle.

Our goal is to make it to the top of the Space Needle. "Wow, it's the FUTURE!" Adam said, when I showed him a picture of the Seattle skyline at night.

But as our departure got closer, I started feeling a bit uneasy about leaving my 3-year-old for a week. "She's going to be really mad at me," I told my husband. "I bet she won't talk to me for days when we get back."

Luckily, I found the book, "Working Parents, Happy Kids: Strategies for Staying Connected." While their tips are intended for parents on business trips, I found that they apply equally well to vacations where kids are left behind.

"You can't be in two places at once, but your love can," assure the authors in the introduction.

After all, they remind us, "When you leave your children, it often seems to them as if you disappear into a black hole only to be deposited back at your home hours or days later."

Tiny imaginations kick into hyperdrive.

The best way to handle this, say Crofut and Knapp, is to be clear about where you're going, when you're coming home and who will take care of them while you're gone.

Young children, especially, need to be prepared for your departure so it doesn't catch them by surprise. A two- or three-day notice is fine, say the authors, who call it the "pre-trip countdown."

Letting your child help you pack, or sticking little surprise notes in your suitcase, are ways of getting them involved and building the "line of communication" you want to have established for the trip. You might pick out a "remembrance" of you they can keep until your return . . . an article of clothing you wear a lot, a photo of you together. Show your child that you will also be taking a picture of them along to display in your hotel room.

Say goodbye and let them see you walk out the door. Don't sneak out or leave quietly. That's not fair to the child, even if it works better for the moment.

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While you're gone, the adult at home can track your journey with the child on a map -- a personal version of "Where in the World is Carmen San Diego?" They also may want to check the newspaper to see what the weather is where you are. This helps kids learn states and cities, as well.

Finally, leave a grab bag of things for the stay-at-home child, such as special bedtime stories you've written to be read to them, or a cassette tape with you singing some of your favorite bedtime songs, or reading a familiar storybook they can follow along in.

The authors even include a script for an "interactive" video you can make, where you go through the bedtime routine with the child, reminding them to get on their pajamas and brush their teeth, asking questions and reading a story.

So, while I'm tucking Adam's swim trunks and travel diary into his backpack, I'm also packing a bag for Sarah, filled with reminders of her brother and me. The separation, I hope, will now be easier on us both.

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