Remember "Baby's Day Out" — that "Home Alone"-style adventure for toddlers? Well, try to imagine it on an even larger, louder scale. That's "Baby Geniuses."
This idiotic, unfunny slapstick comedy is so derivative of those films that it even replicates some of the cheaper gags — including that old standby, the shot to the groin. And believe it or not, some of the more "original" jokes are even worse.
(Obviously, there are some very young audiences who may find these hijinks hilarious, while unlucky parents dragged into the theater will suffer in silence.)
Also, for a 94-minute film, the plot feels ridiculously padded, and the adult cast (which includes Kathleen Turner, Christopher Lloyd and Kim Cattrall) looks embarrassed to even be participating.
The title characters are precocious tykes who are being raised in a secret laboratory run by evil professor Elena Kinder (Turner), who hopes to tap their true potential. The Houdini of the group is Sly (played by a set of triplets), a 2-year-old who can outthink and outfight most of his adult counterparts.
But unbeknownst to Sly, he has a twin brother, Whit, who has been adopted by Kinder's niece, Robin Bobbins (Cattrall), and Robin's husband, Dan (Peter MacNicol, from TV's "Ally McBeal"), a researcher in his own right. (He is even beginning to understand the children's secret, babbling language.)
Feeling that there's something missing, Sly escapes the complex and wanders into a mall, with Dr. Kinder's men in hot pursuit. However, the goons accidentally kidnap Whit, so it's up to Sly and the "Baby Geniuses" to bust him out and stop the experiments once and for all.
Yes, the youngsters are adorable, and there is a certain novelty in seeing them talk like adults (thanks to dubbing and digital effects). But on the whole, the production values are terrible — including the decision to feature prominent Las Vegas landmarks while trying to pass them off as something else.
And the grownup cast members don't appear to be giving it their all. Turner seems exasperated, and Lloyd is so uninspired in a villainous turn that he could have phoned in his performance.
Of course, it doesn't help that Bob Clark's direction has no zing. And for a frantic comedy, there's surprising lack of energy.
"Baby Geniuses" is rated PG for slapstick violence, vulgar gags (including jokes involving diapers and nose-picking), and some scattered profanities.