It has been a Sunday ritual for Kent and Sherrie for most of their 15-year marriage: Grab a bite to eat, gather your books and kiss goodbye before heading to church. He turns east out of the driveway while she goes west.

She's driving with their two children to the local LDS ward while he's heading for a Methodist church about four miles away.Similar scenes play out across the state and the nation. Thousands of Americans are in interfaith marriages. Those marriages can face special challenges -- especially if the couple has children. They must then decide how to guide the child spiritually.

"People often think they've worked out those issues before the marriage," said the Rev. Robert Moriarty, a diocesan priest. "But it's hard when the rubber hits the road. It can put a real strain on the marriage."

The Catholic Church takes a hard-line position on raising a family in interfaith marriages. "The rule is that in religiously mixed families, the Catholic party has to make a commitment to raise the children in the Catholic faith." Other churches take a similar stand.

He admits that "many interfaith couples seek a compromise position, which is not as hard if the basic tenets of faith are similar. So it's not as hard with two Christians as opposed to a Christian and a Muslim or a Christian and Jewish person.

"There's a lot more divergence in faith issues, ranging from simple confusion to absolute contradictions. There's no reason there can't be some interfaith exchange, but if they are receiving religious education in both denominations, it's going to prove a problem. Attending services is not such an issue," he said, because services tend to focus more on tenets that are apt to be shared by faiths than on teaching actual doctrine, where differences become startlingly clear.

Tim Heaton, a Brigham Young University professor of sociology, said that a recent study on divorce rates points out some of the challenges of interfaith marriages.

The national study found that couples with different religions are twice as likely to divorce as those with the same religion.

Perhaps surprisingly, a key factor seems to be differences in patterns of church, mosque or synagogue attendance more than differences in affiliation or strength of religious belief.

Couples who go to church more often -- and to the same church -- have more stable marriages, statistically.

It goes like this, said family life professor David Dollahite, also of BYU: "The happiest and most stable marriages involve couples of the same faith who feel strongly about their faith and are involved in a religious community.

"Next best, for stability, are couples of the same faith who are equally uninvolved religiously. Followed by those of the same faith, where one feels strongly and the other doesn't.

"Next most stable are those of different faiths, but neither couple feels strongly about it. An unhappy combination, according to the research, is one where the two partners are of different faiths and they both feel strongly about it. That tends to lead to the most conflict."

He's quick to point out that, statistics aside, there's "great diversity and divergence. I would by no means suggest any of this is how it will be for all people. And it also makes a big difference whether the believers take a more traditional or more progressive approach to their individual faiths."

Adding children to the mix can heighten the tension as issues of what to teach and how to practice faith at home begin to surface.

Couples try a variety of strategies. But Dollahite said that in his experience the most successful strategy is genuine respect for the other's beliefs.

"With children involved, the parents say to the kids, we don't share all the same beliefs but we love each other and love you and want you to be involved in both our faiths."

"Interfaith marriages are tougher, but sometimes they are the strongest marriages," said the Rev. Charles Hammond, interim pastor at First Presbyterian Church in Salt Lake City. "Someone who is committed to God is more likely to be committed to you."

Still, he thinks it's best to find common ground to raise children spiritually.

"I encourage couples, if they are Christians, to find one faith tradition and go together. If one's Episcopal and the other Southern Baptist, for example, I say, 'Go see if the Methodist Church fits.' That won't create the tension in the children's minds."

The Rev. Moriarty agrees it usually works best for the child to pick one faith and raise the child in that faith. Alternating church attendance is not a good strategy, he said.

"I think it is essential for kids in terms of being identified with a community as opposed to a general sense of I'm a Christian. Being a Christian, for Catholics, is not an individual type of experience. It's not just 'my relationship with God' but is much more communally oriented. It's God and myself within a worshipping community."

It's easier now to mix faiths than it was 30 years ago, the Rev. Hammond said. But it's not just about couples accepting each other.

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Religion occurs in a larger community. Faith belongs to extended families and, in some areas, even to neighborhoods. He uses the example of a "Mormon lad who married a Presbyterian girl. She didn't intend to become LDS, and that created a major community problem for him" because he'd grown up in the ward, in the neighborhood, in a community of faith that saw her as an outsider and him as someone who made a mistake. The same scene plays out in most strong faith communities.

"With that kind of community pressure, I think it's best to get it out in the open and talk about it before you marry," the Rev. Hammond said.

Kent and Sherrie, who asked that their last names not be used because their interfaith marriage has always provided tension within their extended families, agree. But they say they've been lucky. They've made it work. And while the children are being raised "mostly" in her faith, they often go with their father to midweek services and other events. They've grown up familiar with both church's doctrines.

"Regardless of which church they end up in," he said, "they'll have a profound love and respect for other faith traditions. That can't be a bad thing."

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