Fred has arthritis in his legs so bad it hurts to walk.
He contents himself by hanging out in the sun of the bay window, singing opera and talking.
Charlie is gorgeous, but he needs the love of a good woman to transform his life.
In contrast, Wally hates women, but will cuddle up, swing upside down and be affectionate if the right guy comes along.
These are parrots once perilously close to a really foul future.
Abused, ignored or on the brink of being homeless, the brightly plumed parrots were plucked from their hapless environments and rescued by a nonprofit group made up of volunteers.
Members of Wasatch Avian Education Society become foster parents to the parrots, pampering them until the right home is found.
Ilene Holdaway wound up hanging onto Beau, a majestic pink Moluccan cockatoo.
When she found him, the owner was ready, literally, to wring the bird by the neck and kill it.
Beau once had a loving owner but found himself relegated to the back porch of a home, where he endured seven years alone in a locked cage.
That would drive anyone crazy, and Beau, once called Beauty, went nuts.
He picked and picked at himself until all those beautiful pink feathers were gone.
Not satisfied, he ripped a terrible gash in his own chest.
Rescued by a well-intentioned breeder, Beau was thrust into the company of a strange female the new owner thought would calm him down.
He picked on her, literally, until she was bloody.
Facing a possible death sentence, Beau found himself swooped up and in the loving care of Holdaway, who says she'll never part with him.
"He was misused, but he's not hard to misuse because he is so active, so large and also so demanding."
This year alone, the group has saved 58 birds from a questionable future. They will not purchase the birds and often get referrals from veterinarians fielding calls from frustrated owners. Right now, the group has so many parrots it is fostering, it's running out of homes.
"We get really busy just before Christmas. People clean up their homes, put their trees up and there isn't room for the bird anymore," Holdaway said.
The problem is people who make impulse purchases of these exotic creatures, not aware of the commitment demanded by animals that are highly social, intelligent and loving, says Chase Kimball, the group's past president.
"I have heard of people buying birds because they match their curtains," says Kimball, an attorney. "And then you have this very social animal that ends up being treated like a goldfish. They're like dogs. They need constant, loving attention."
Birds are "flock" animals and when they are introduced into the realm of being someone's pet, that someone becomes their flock, Kimball said.
"Birds are not secure unless they are with their flock. They want to be with us all the time. We call it love, but it is basically a very strong instinct. If you ignore a bird that never feels safe unless it is with you, it is going to scream for attention and bite to get attention."
Kimball's own cherished pet, Curly, demonstrated to a guest just how much he loves attention.
He played with jewelry, nibbled on a pen, grabbed at pantyhose and yanked on the shoulder strap of a purse.
He tried turning the pages in a notebook, said "dance" repeatedly and then began to bob back and forth to show off.
"He's a natural clown," Kimball says, "and absolutely girl-crazy."
Wally, Kimball's foster parrot, is snuggling under the man's chin, loving every stroke of his temporary owner's hand.
"He's the most loving, affectionate bird possible; he just doesn't like women," Kimball says. "We placed him in two good homes, but he attacked the women. There must have been an incident with a baby sitter. He needs a man dedicated to being single."
Charlie, a bird that Holdaway is fostering, is a flashy blue/green Amazon whose owner would hold the animal's head under tap water as punishment for biting.
Fred would chew through his wooden perch, as birds do, but the owner grew tired of replacing the perches. Fred was forced for years to stand on a hard steel perch that eventually left him crippled with arthritis.
Kimball says the group once found a parrot that had been tossed in the trash.
It's a strange ending for birds that cost as much as $1,800 and have a life span of up to 100 years.
"People don't know what they're getting into. You really have to love them to keep them," says Holdaway.
A longtime member of the organization, Holdaway has endured painful bites, stitches and dropping everything in her life because of her penchant for parrots.
A widower who inherited the care of Fred and Gringo with his wife's death said he would kill the parrots unless someone picked them up from his Pinedale, Wyo., home by 11 a.m. the next day.
It was 8 at night, but Holdaway hopped in her car and made the drive.
"These two guys have been together 20 years. They sing a capella beautifully and the two of them are terrible harmonizers."
Part of Holdaway's motivation stems from her guilt over what has happened to parrots in this country.
Captured by the thousands in the wild jungles of tropical countries, the birds were exported en masse to the United States until about five years ago.
Many of them are now endangered in the wild.
"We depleted the ones in the wild and brought them here and killed them through our ignorance. Many of them are dead and they didn't need to be," Holdaway said. "I think humanity should feel some guilt over that."
To learn more about the Wasatch Avian Education Society, call 424-2589.
E-MAIL: amyjoi@desnews.com