How many Army Men games can 3DO create before they finally hit the bull's-eye rather than their own feet?
It's a really great idea — create a game featuring those little green plastic army men most kids play with and have them fighting an army of tan plastic guys rather than using more realistic images.
But somewhere in the translation from brilliant concept to video game console, things seem to have drifted away.
One of the latest versions now on the shelves is Army Men: Sarge's Heroes 2 for the N64.
Sarge's latest quest adds some new aspects. For one, women have been included in the battle. Col. Grimm's feisty daughter Vikki is working as a gun-toting reporter.
On the other side, there's Brigette Bleu, a blue plastic spy working both sides on behalf of the Blue Resistance.
Still alive and kicking is the tan army's evil Gen. Plastro, a sadistic fiend who was last seen being used as a dog's chew toy.
The story here isn't much. It has something to do with an ailment called plastrification and a serum to cure it, and trips back and forth from our world to the soldier's world through portals.
The object is to make your way through 17 increasingly difficult missions, sniping enemies and solving puzzles while avoiding meltdown at the hands of tan guys.
Things are pretty much as they were in earlier versions, with the addition of a few new weapons and the ability to call in an airstrike if things are not going your way.
But controlling the whole production also is pretty much as it was in the past, and that's bad.
So give the controls a C, and toast 3DO with a flame-thrower for not speeding up Sarge and his buddies. Creeping around is fine when you're actually fighting, but why must our heroes crawl between locations, too?
Graphics are also a C, with very little improvement over previous versions. Everything looks flat, the colors are washed out and there are virtually no interesting details in the background — or the foreground, for that matter.
Sound is nothing to write home about, either, so give it a C.
And that pretty much sums up this entire game — average in every way. Why such a great idea continues to turn out less than great is baffling.
It's never too early to think about stocking-stuffers for your favorite gamer, and Nyko has a very weird item that might be perfect.
The new Blob Light is designed to illuminate the screen of a Game Boy Color so you can play in dark places, like late-night airplane flights or under the covers when you're supposed to be sleeping.
The Blob Light looks like a chunk of sludge or a slab of monster. It plugs into the power outlet on the left and wraps around the top of the Game Boy. It's flexible and grips the top of the machine, with a brilliant white light illuminating the screen from a center stalk.
It takes a while to get the top to actually grip the Game Boy. But it will if you're patient, and once it's set, the light is perfect. It comes in a variety of slimy colors, perfect for playing spooky games in the dark.
Army Men: Sarge's Heroes 2 is rated T, for ages 13 and up.