Ob-la-di, ob-la-da! Somebody ring Doctor Robert.
Who would've thought Beatlemania — that super-contagious magical mystery tour of the 1960s — could turn out to be so virulent and persistent? Instead of a daytripper, or even a British bug that lasts maybe eight days a week, it seems on track to get back every few years.
What is it, the flu? Run for your life!
Imagine: Those clever mop tops have proved to be yesterday . . . and today. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's all too much.
Lady Madonna! You'd think John Lennon, (Sir) Paul McCartney, George Harrison and Ringo Starr were 'N Sync. Or something.
"I'll Be Back," they declared, long before Schwarzenegger. (John, we wish you were.) And behold, just in time for Christmas 2000 and almost 27 years after Ed Sullivan and "I Want to Hold Your Hand," like the Scarlet Pimpernel they're here, there and everywhere, helter skelter across the (cultural) universe.
Talk about a ticket to ride.
You'd have to be a Blue Meanie or Mean Mr. Mustard to object to a cornucopia like this:
An instant No. 1 record (uh, album, CD, revolver, whatever) — "1," a long, long, long 74-minute one-disc collection of their 27 biggest hits. Tell Tchaikovsky the news.
A brand-new "official" Web site (www.thebeatles.com), which debuted to coincide with the album, thus joining about a zillion fan-created sites. (An actual query to that cyberspace Alex Trebek, "Ask Jeeves": "Were any of you alive during the Beatlemania era in the '60s? What was it really like?")
A No. 1 coffee-table memoir/history of a long and winding road — "The Beatles Anthology," a belated print sequel to the same-named mania-stirring TV/video documentary series of only five years ago.
That Nortel Networks ad campaign that keeps recasting "Come Together." For Philips Electronics, everything's "Getting Better." "In My Life" every week on "Providence," not to mention "With a Little Help From My Friends" on "Wonder Years" reruns.
An abstract art show and yet another big book by The Cute One, "Paul McCartney Paintings." (No paperback writer, he.)
Four — count 'em, four — fab TV Guide covers and an avalanche of TV shows: "The Beatles Revolution" on ABC and VH-1; "In His Life: The John Lennon Story" on NBC; McCartney, so we hear, on a PBS pledge special, "Live at the Cavern."
Lennon's "In His Own Write" back on the book shelves; 1964's delightful "A Hard Day's Night," in which the boys act naturally, returning to movie screens, hot on the heels of "Yellow Submarine."
And speaking of the submarine, it's on a U.S. stamp, one of the 1960s series, which should please Mr. Postman.
Don't ask me why. The only answer is "Because," for no one said you can't do that.
Certainly, it's not that the surviving Beatles are stuck on penny lane. McCartney, for one, has almost three-quarters of a billion dollars stashed, according to a recent BusinessAge tab. Baby, you're a rich man!
Call it discovery by fans of a new generation who've decided that, when it comes to the Beatles, "I've got to get you into my life."
Call it nostalgia for an aging and well-heeled baby-boom generation. (Better the Beatles than the taxman.)
Call it good marketing. (Paul, George, Ringo and Yoko are all together now.)
It is said that all things must pass. But when it comes to the Fab Four, no one's willing to let it be.
The end.
E-MAIL: rayb@desnews.com