Remakes and sequels, sequels and remakes. Not only is there no imagination in the films themselves, they don't even try with the titles.
The most creativity you see these days is whether the title of a sequel should be "Part II" or "Part 2."
Back in the olden days, there was "Son of Flubber" or "Brides of Dracula"; "Return of a Man Called Horse" or "Revenge of the Creature"; "Frankenstein Must Be Destroyed" or "Francis Covers the Big Town." . . .
I miss sequel titles that were at least a bit more inventive. "Hot Shots! Part Deux" and "The Naked Gun 33 1/3: The Final Insult" are the most recent to even make an attempt at being creative (back in 1993 and 1994, respectively).
Older film series — like "Tarzan" and "The Thin Man" and "The Pink Panther" — would try to come up with something that included the franchise name in the title, so that the character had a " . . . New York Adventure," or a "Shadow" or a "Song," or would "Strike Back."
Most recently, it was "Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade" . . . which may not have been the last crusade after all. (Yes, there's "The Spy Who Shagged Me," the vulgar subtitle after a repeat of "Austin Powers:" . . . but it's just not the same. It'd be like "Tarzan: He Finds a Son.")
And once in a while, on rare occasions, when someone at a movie studio would accidentally lapse into common sense, a sequel would be given a completely different title, as if the audience could figure out which movie franchise the sequel belonged to — like "A Shot in the Dark" or "Clear and Present Danger."
The James Bond films now seem to be the only ones that are confident that the audience will follow 007 through different, offbeat titles. (What the heck does "Tomorrow Never Dies" mean, anyway?)
Of course, some movie series also used titles that were simply wrong.
For example, in "The Thin Man" series, the title character of the first film was actually the murder victim. But subsequent films used "Thin Man" to refer to the central character, Nick Charles, played by William Powell.
And what about "The Pink Panther"? It's a diamond in the first film. And while the jewel did return for "Return of the Pink Panther" a decade later, it didn't even rate a mention in the other films in the series . . . despite the words "Pink Panther" in the titles and that cavorting cartoon panther prancing about through the opening credits.
What's more, the characters who teamed up with Inspector Clouseau for subsequent films came from the second in film in that series, "A Shot in the Dark." Chief Inspector Dreyfus and Clouseau's houseboy Cato weren't in the original "Pink Panther" movie.
So shouldn't the rest of the films in the series more correctly have been called "Shot in the Dark Strikes Back" or "Trail of the Shot in the Dark"? (Hey, that's no more nonsensical than "Goldeneye.")
But nowadays, it's all "Parts 1, 2, 3 or 27"! Or "Star Wars: Episode 1 — The Phantom Menace." (Episode 1 my eye; I knew it was No. 4 in the series.)
And it doesn't stop with "Mission: Impossible 2." There are numbered sequels coming for everything from "Charlie's Angels" to "The Matrix." (In the case of the latter, two sequels are being filmed back to back.)
But there may be some hope. Jackie Chan's "Shanghai Noon" sequel is scheduled to be called "Shanghai Night." (Although, what's the joke there? The "Shanghai Noon" title was a takeoff on "High Noon." Was there a "High Night" Western?)
On the other hand, the sequel to Chan's "Rush Hour" is going to be called "Rush Hour 2."
Oh, well.
"THE PINK PANTHER," by the way, is going to get a makeover. Have you heard about plans to remake that film, with the hope that it it will spawn yet another "Panther" franchise?
As I've said before, if a so-so movie is remade and made better, no problem. But leave the classics alone.
For example, I have no problem with the upcoming remake of "Ocean's Eleven." The first Rat Pack movie is kind of fun, but it's not a great movie. And George Clooney, who is co-producing and will star in the Frank Sinatra role, claims the new script is tighter, more clever and funnier.
If that's not enough, he's managed to get Brad Pitt and Julia Roberts on board.
Hey, if this one has a punchier script, it could be terrific. After all, aside from the charm of the original film's cast — Sinatra, Dean Martin, Sammy Davis Jr., Peter Lawford, Joey Bishop and Angie Dickinson — all it really had was a good plot idea and a great twist ending.
But the "Pink Panther"?
Why bother to do that with anyone who is not Peter Sellers? And who is?
If ever there was a gifted comic actor who made a role his own, it's Sellers as the bumbling Clouseau.
In fact, two great physical-comedy actors have already tried to fill Sellers' shoes — Alan Arkin in the 1967 film "Inspector Clouseau" and Roberto Begnini in the 1994 "Son of the Pink Panther." And both failed miserably.
If those guys can't do it, no one can.
Much less the guy the studio is wooing to play Clouseau — Mike Myers.
E-mail: hicks@desnews.com