You have a dog.
Dogs do what they do.Doo-doo-wise, that is.
If you are the type of person who doesn't like to leave the evidence, shall we say, of that biological fact lying around, it might interest you to know there is a way to dispose of the matter without dirtying your dainty hands or offending your sensitive nose.
Meet the grand poobahs of pooch droppings, Goldy and Dea Andrews.
The Andrews sisters of Sandy have started a new business, Doggie Doodle.
For a small fee, 15 clams, they will come to your house and liberate your lawn from the forces of feces.
And do it with satisfied entrepreneurial smiles.
"People laugh at us when we tell them what we do, but I really don't care," Goldy said. "We're making good money and we'll keep laughing all the way to the bank, just as long as there is poo and people who want us to clean it up."
Goldy, 21, and Dea, 20, got the scoop on the poop business one night when they were online and ran across a Web site where people plying the trade were discussing professional problems.
You imagine a couple getting home from the office and one says, "You know, honey, today really stunk at the office."
"Must've been offal," the other says.
That type of thing?
"Actually, it was mostly just how to start up the business and keep it running," Goldy said.
There's not a lot of industry history to borrow from.
"It's seems to be a fairly new market. There are only two other businesses we know of in Utah," Goldy said.
All the Andrews knew was, it's probably no coincidence what the first three letters in pooch are.
As long as what goes into a pup must come out, there will always be product.
They decided to jump in with both feet -- while being careful where they stepped, no doubt.
"We've only been in it a month and a half, but we've already got some pretty good clients," Goldy said.
The top-dog customer is Tanglewood Apartments in West Valley City, whose 252 units are flush with canines and their end results.
"It takes 2 1/2 hours for us to do that complex each week," Goldy said.
At least it's not as bad as the time they did an acre for a customer.
It took nine trash bags to clean house. They were too pooped to stoop another step.
"That was a bad business mistake," Goldy said.
Mostly, the profession is simple. You get a couple scoops from a pet store. A good rake to drag in the do. A batch of trash bags.
"There's not a lot of overhead. You just have to willing to do it," Goldy said.
That part was fairly easy for the Andrews. They're devoted dog-lovers -- Goldy with a chocolate lab named Poncho and a Lhasa Apso named Quigley; Dea with a Lhasa named Nikkie and a pit-bull mix named Sadie.
Sadie came to the family after suffering much abuse. There were cigarette burns along her body and half an ear cut off.
Dea and Goldy are donating a portion of their profits to the Humane Society.
They also figure their job has public service implications.
"There are lots of health hazards for children and other dogs from feces," Goldy said.
Mostly, though, they're just doing work they like. Dea is studying to become a vet tech. Goldy left her job in cost accounting.
"I'm outside all day. It's much nicer than 9-to-5," Goldy said.
And there's time to nose the smells along the way.
If business keeps growing, you'll find the Andrews on line.
"We want to get a Web site," Goldy said.
Wanting to lend a helping paw, may we suggest www.scoopydo or doo-bie sisters or yabbadabbadoo-doo or undo-to-others.com?
Meantime, you can call them at 801-619-4798.
Just don't ask them in to watch "101 Dalmatians."
Gib Twyman's column runs on Saturdays. Please send e-mail to gtwyman@desnews.com; faxes to 801-237-2121.