George Lucas sure is greedy. Not that this should come as any great surprise, since most Hollywood movers and shakers are greedy. But Lucas can afford to be less greedy.
Specifically, I'm speaking of his video release of "Star Wars: Episode I — The Phantom Menace." Lucas has decided to keep the film off DVD until he's completed this second trilogy. Which is another way of saying he's gouging all the fans who made him a billionaire by offering these movies strictly on videotape, knowing that many of them will buy the same movies again when they're released on disc.
If that's not enough, Lucas has also priced the widescreen — or "letterbox" — version of "Phantom Menace" at 10 bucks more than the pan-and-scan version. True, the letterbox film is in a box with "extras" — but I don't want the extras! I just want the film in letterbox! Besides, the pan-and-scan process, which adjusts the movie's images to fit the squarish TV screen, is a more time-consuming and therefore more expensive format — so why does the letterbox version cost more?
If this sounds like I'm a bit cranky . . . well, I am. In fact, I've been pondering, in my own cranky way, a number of goofy things lately:
— Anthony Hopkins will star in "Hannibal," the follow-up to "Silence of the Lambs." Does anyone else remember when Hopkins said a few years ago that he wouldn't ever do a sequel to his Oscar-winning role as Hannibal "The Cannibal" Lecter because he felt it would be too violent and distasteful? Did a huge paycheck change Sir Tony's thinking? Ironically, Jodie Foster, who never did address Hopkins' earlier comments, is the one who turned down the new movie. When the cameras begin to roll next month, Julianne Moore will take over Foster's Oscar-winning role of FBI agent Clarice Starling.
— By now you've probably heard that "Diana Ross & the Supremes" will tour this summer — but they're calling it the "Return to Love" tour, rather than a "reunion" tour. That's because neither Cindy Birdsong nor Mary Wilson will be participating. Ross will perform with Lynda Laurence and Scherrie Payne, two former "Supremes" who joined the group after she left. And, of course, it all boils down to money. It seems that Ross will earn some $15 million-$20 million for the tour, while Birdsong and Wilson were offered about $3 million. Maybe they should get a third singer to join them for a competing tour — "The Supremes Without Diana Ross."
— "South Park" creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone, who specialize in offensive comedy, have apparently gone too far even for the Internet. The 39 short online cartoons they've come up with as part of a $2 million deal for Shockwave.com are considered so much more raunchy and crude than even their theatrical "South Park" feature that the company is considering a pay-per-view fee to keep kids away. Parker and Stone say the shorts are really pilot projects they want to develop into movies.
— Blockbuster is having another "previously viewed" (read "used") video sale, and once again many of the videos have been thrown haphazardly into those stupid Blockbuster barrels, making most of the tapes all but impossible to rummage through. Maybe the employees should take a look at how Hollywood Video does it. While it's annoying that their "for-sale" shelves mix in used and new videos, at least you can see what they are.
— Have you heard about the new book called "Naked Pictures of My Ex-Girlfriends," which features photos taken by one Mark Helofrich during the '70s? He spent seven years seeking permission from his various "exes" to use the pictures, and all but 10 percent, he says, agreed. (Was Dr. Laura among them?) One of the things he promised was that he wouldn't use any of their real names. Well, by golly, that'll keep them anonymous!
— Cyber women are apparently the pinups of the future . . . or maybe the present. Lara Croft, Ananova, Mya and Webbie Tookay are modern online versions of Vargas girls, if you will. And those who know (read, younger than me) say each puts Jessica Rabbit to shame. How will Elle Macpherson and Tyra Banks ever get work again?
Entertainment editor Chris Hicks may be reached by e-mail at hicks@desnews.com